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Sunday, August 28, 2011

My Heart is Dead

"Real Live Boy"
This is the hardest post I've ever written by far.
I hope I never have to write another like it.
My little Newman passed away early Wednesday morning.
Sorry, to all of you that this is a shock to. It of course was a shock to me. 
He has always been the picture of health.
I can't believe it. 
You would think with three other dogs in this house, that one being gone would not
make that much difference. I could not be lonelier if there were none.
We all feel his absence dearly.
As you know if you read this blog regularly, Newman was always getting into things.
He could have died many times from all the stunts he pulled. 
I keep telling myself that. That he was a hard dog to keep safe.
But I never thought one of my dogs would die at the age of only 8.

I do not care about anything at the moment. 
I did not sleep for three days. I cannot eat. (which won't hurt me none)
I am forcing myself to write this post to let those that know me, 
know why I have been absent. 
My cousin/best friend whose cancer is terminal is very very bad and I fear 
might be gone within two weeks. She is trying another treatment on Monday but it may kill her.
So I may not post for awhile. Right now I feel I will never post again after this.
Nothing matters to me anymore.

This is what happened. I wrote last Thursday that he and Sally had a fight on Wednesday night.
I was on the phone with a friend shortly afterwards and told a friend he was breathing funny.
This was the first sign that something was wrong. 
I now feel awful that I wrote of the fight in a humorous fashion. I'll most likely delete that post.
Terrible, terrible, I am a paranoid dog Mom and yet this one time I was not paranoid enough.
I hate myself for that....I truly do.
Immediately after the fight, I thought he was breathing funny...because of the excitement of the fight. 
And he seemed to have hurt his neck.
Very, very stupid of me....I should have taken him in to the vet the next day even though....
he was breathing normally soon after.

That night he got up and went outside and sat up and he walked a little slow but seemed pretty much fine. 
I thought he'd strained his neck or back.
I thought his feelings were hurt. (stupid, stupid, stupid)
In the past I've taken dogs to the vet unneeded because I've heard stories of dogs suddenly dying.
But still I was not too concerned because he was walking much better than he normally does
when his back hurts. He ate and drank. 
He slept in the bed that night although he slept in my arms and he did
seem to sleep rather deeply. But he'd done this once before when his back hurt. 
He wanted to be close to me.

The days are kind of a blurr now....but Friday he was about the same. I carried him out to the bathroom.
He let me and seemed to want me to. We'd gotten in a routine that if he hurt his back, he knew 
to try not to move much. 
Once I sat him down outside...he'd walk all around the yard and sniff and do his business.
He acted different than he usually does with a back ache. He acted like it wasn't very bad.
He acted exactly like how Violet acts when her's hurts.
He was eating and drinking and sleeping with the others during the day.
But then he started staying under the bed. 
I'd get a flash light to check him. Each time he lifted his head and looked at me with bright eyes.
He'd retreated to under the bed each time before when he had back problems to stay 
away from the others.

The difference though....Sally kept going under to look at him this time. 
(that should have been a sign to me) 
Not in a threatening way....but she wanted to be under there. Not near him but just under. 
She wasn't bothering him.
They had made up from the fight the next day and slept together. But she in hindsight seemed nervous.
I think the fight lasted maybe 15 - 20 seconds.

So I have been going to my cousin's house a lot every day to check on her dogs and plants while she 
was away at MD Anderson. (a trip that did no good but waste precious time)
I had this feeling that I had to make sure all her animals were safe while she was gone.

Was I distracted from the care of my own? 
Yes, some....but I really was not worried about Newman. 
By Sunday I was becoming concerned.
Because he wasn't improving yet. Still he was not bad...no whimpering. He didn't seem in pain.
His neck and back felt stiff but the leg he usually favored when feeling bad...
he was putting his full weight on.

Why I did not take him in on Monday....I do not know....except I was concerned about things at my 
cousins for that one more day before they were to get back into town.

Monday he stopped eating dog food. He had been staying under the bed but coming out to eat and drink 
and then go back under. Monday morning I brought him out.
I had fed him soft dog food the night before and he ate well. 
I had run out of canned food so I fed him all I had in the house which was tuna.
He ate it well, although he was not enthusiastic.
Back under the bed he went. 

At that point, I decided to go get him a McDonald's hamburger. 
I knew he'd scarf that down and he needed more food in him. 
He would not eat it when I brought it to him.

This was at 10am and I should have taken him in right then. 
I will always question myself for that. 

I had to go take care of my cousin's stuff again and came home that night with canned food. 
He would not eat it. At this point I noticed Harvey smelling his mouth.
I lifted him to the kitchen counter to look at his mouth.
I had looked at his side mouth several times over the last few days to make sure his gums looked normal.
They did and his breath was normal. But this time I lifted his front gums and saw one of his perfect little 
white front teeth was black at top and hanging down a little.

He loves to dig and pull on roots in the backyard or pull on the fence with all his might and 
I've always told him you are going to hurt yourself. 

And sure enough he did. But I did not know it. 
I have no idea how I missed this because I look at all of their teeth all the time. 
His were perfect little chiclets in front.

I'd been kissing him and kissing him as always just before he got hurt. His breath was the same as 
always. He didn't act like he was in any pain. There was no drooling or swelling.

So I had not noticed this. 
This scared me and I thought....oh....he is in so much pain from this....that is why he's so bad.
It's not his back at all.
One of Mom's dogs had stopped eating and been lethargic and when she took him in...
he ended up needing 10 teeth pulled! 
That was Marcus, Harvey's brother...Harvey has terrible teeth too.
He had his teeth cleaned when he was only two because they were so bad and they need it again right now.

So I knew he had to go into the vet first thing.
I stayed up all night so that I'd be ready and up and at the vet at 7am to be the first patient.
I didn't know the vet doesn't get in till 8.
I sat in the lobby holding him and kissing his head.
By then his eyes looked a little glassy. It was obvious he didn't feel well then.
But he was still walking the same and looking at me like he knew I'd get him well.
I truly had no idea of what was to come.

My vet was not in yet, so and associate of his saw him... I've seen before when mine was not there.
He's a great vet but I really love my vet best. But I wanted him to have immediate treatment.

I told him he had a tooth problem and that his back appeared to be bothering him and about the fight.
He looked him over and held one foot back. Newman did not correct it.
I know this is a bad sign. I was told to check his feet like this and if they did that to bring him in immediately.
And yet I had not thought to do it because he was walking just fine....just slow. 

Anyway, the vet said, ...something is wrong with the spinal cord but in a different way than past episodes. He said a totally different injury.
I hated Sally.
He said he didn't see how a little fight could have caused this much damage.
He said to not worry....they'd pull that tooth and clean the others and put him on some anti-inflammatories for his back.

I hated leaving him but I thought he'd be ok.
I went home. Two hours later he called and said they had to pull three teeth. 
The one in front and two in back.
And that he was doing fine.....
But Newman had scared them. He'd quit breathing after the pulling but they got him going 
quickly again but because of this....they wanted to watch him all day.

Mom came up and we went to buy a kennel to put him in to make sure he didn't move around when he came home.

They were to call me at 3:30 to have me come get him.
They didn't call till 4:30.
That time it was my regular vet saying that they both had had him outside to walk him and watch him
and he'd been walking just fine...slowly and had pottied like he was suppose to
and while they watched him...he had what they think was a seizure that lasted for like 10 minutes.
They said they weren't even sure it was a seizure but a twitching of his face and head going sideways.
They asked if I had noticed any irregular behavior like that and it was then I remembered the irregular 
breathing. I said after the fight he had breathed weird. The vet thought for sure that showed the fight had brought to the forefront some internal ticking time bomb.
But there had been no other strange movements in the last four days....yes four days...four days that he 
needed help and I didn't know it. I hate myself for that.
He said he needed to stay over night for them to watch him.
I immediately got in the car....Mom and I to go see him.
I was very worried at this point but really just wanted to see how he was before letting him stay there all night.

When I got there they took me to the back where he was lying comfortably on a soft bed resting.
He was in a room where all were coming and going so all could keep an eye on him in case
he did something weird. He looked out of it. But my vet said...he'd given him something to make sure he stayed still.
He just lied there....but all of a sudden his eyes got very bright and he looked at me and smiled.
Then he saw Mom and looked her way and lifted his head...he was so happy to see her.

I became alarmed because I didn't want him to move. In hindsight I wish I'd asked he be put on a table so I could kiss him. 

I told my vet I was very concerned because I'd had a friend whose little dog died because she ate some 
bark and it was stuck in the roof of her mouth and she didn't know it until it smelled really bad and by then it was too late....the infection had spread through the whole body.

I asked if the tooth had done this. He said....he did not think so. He really really didn't.
He said his teeth were not bad.
True his gums had looked fine. 

I told him I was so scared this was going to turn into a big bad thing and he would die.
He said, "Nita, it's not going to be like that. He'll be better by morning. 
I've given him an anti-inflammatory and his back should start to improve and he'll need three weeks of rest. I told him we'd already prepared the kennel at home.

I actually left there feeling fine....that he'd be home the next day.
That night....I had a lot to do at my cousin's house for her return late that night.
I didn't get home till 11:30 and when I drove up I looked to my bedroom window...where Newman normally, sat on the bed while I was gone and then would look out the window for me.
He was always at the window when I would drive up.

That night....I looked over at the window...and I just knew I'd never see him there again.
I told myself not to think like that.
I busied myself that night writing a guest post for Cottage and Vine and when I finished it was like 5 am.
I did not want to sleep for fear of worrying.
I was suppose to call the vet at 9:30 am to check on him.
In hindsight...why was I not praying for him the entire time?
I did not realize how terrible his circumstance.

At 6 am...I was exhausted and set my alarm for 9 and layed down.
At 6:20 am I awoke with a start. I just gasped awake and I knew he was dead.
This voice in my head woke me "Newman's Dead"
I started to cry and told myself I was just dreaming and imagining.
Although, I've never had an experience like that ever before.
At 7:15 my phone rang and as soon as it rang...I knew.
I answered. The vet said, 
"Nita, honey....Newman did...."
And I said, "I know, I know....he's dead....I knew it 40 minutes ago."
He said...yes, he died that morning. The morning worker found him.
He looked to be asleep.
The next few hours were the worst of my life....I heard noises come from me that I did not think
existed. I called my Mom....my poor Mom and told her.
She said she'd be right there. Of course it's a 45 minute drive.
I called a friend that I knew worked an early shift and usually had time on her hands.
She talked to me till MY vet called me.
The vet and I talked for 30 minutes.
He was crying and said he was so shocked that from all appearances it seemed as if Newman had blunt 
force trauma. But of course there had been no blunt force. Except Sally and he said...that he only thought 
that the fight had made the injury become apparent.
He said all he could figure was he either had a little tumor on the brain stem or a weakness there of some sort...and the fight had pushed it.
Then pulling his teeth had pushed him over the edge.
You know dachshunds are notorious for back problems.
This would be an extreme case of a week spine just waiting for the right move to rupture.
Both Violet and Newman have had back issues. My old dachshund that lived to be 17 had back issues 
that came up when she was about 8 but we managed them and actually they only bothered her a couple 
of years of her life.

So my thought was we'd manage this.

I almost questioned that morning pulling his teeth and I really think if I'd had my regular vet...
he and I would have discussed whether it was a good idea or not.

Still, he said....from what they'd seen....he saw no reason not to go the way they had gone. 
This was a total shock to all.

I could not believe my little Newman was dead.
I must have had a feeling of impending doom...because I've held him sooooo much lately. 
And I'd even been whispering in his ear of late
"Don't tell anyone but you are my favorite."
He seemed to understand what I was saying.

I'd kiss him on the cheek and he'd flutter his eyelashes.
Oh...how he loved being kissed on the cheek!
Then I'd ask for a kiss....and I swear he'd pucker his little lips and give me a real kiss.
Not a dog kiss...but a real kiss.

We'd watched lots of tv together lately. 
He always wanted me to pick him up if I was crying or laughing.
I often just held him while I watched tv and he'd react to my reactions.

Oh....there was never such a dear dog.
His back leg walk was a little bowl legged. Mom and I always said he walked like John Wayne.
Such a perfect boy.
I often said he didn't seem like a dog....he seemed like a little boy.
I always called him "My Real Live Boy" because like Pinnochio who becomes a real live boy eventually....
Newman seemed to be a dog that was just waiting to be a real live boy.

Mother and I went to pick up his little body....he did look like he was just sleeping. 
We worked on digging a grave for him in my backyard.
What a difficult task. It took us the evening.....and we had to finish Thursday morning.

That meant I spent Wednesday night alone with him. I could not rest as long as 
he was in limbo. I couldn't leave him. I had shown his body to the other dogs earlier in the day.
Violet seemed to accept it quickly. Sally was scared and had been acting very scared all day.
Hiding under the bed and coming out with bugged eyes and ears back.
When I showed him to her...she shook her head back and forth and wanted away and then ran and hid
under the bed.
(I am having a hard time looking at Sally)
Only thing getting me through it is....she is not aggressive...ever. 
I don't know what got into her. 

Harvey was the worst of all.
I had shown each one separately.
Harvey last. He sniffed him....he nudged him with his nose....to try to wake him.
Then he'd look up at me and he'd try again and then look at me. 
Then he'd just stare at him and then look to me again.
Finally, I said, "He's gone, Harvey....your brother is gone."
I put him down and went to put the lid on the box.
Harvey started crying out a sound I've never ever heard come from him.
It was heart breaking. And he has moped about ever since.

That night I tried to sleep on the floor with Newman in a cardboard box and Harvey between us...but I could not sleep and Harvey kept looking at the box...hoping to see his brother come out.
I finally gave up on sleep and stood by him looking at him waiting for morning to finish his grave.

My brother in law made a nice wood box to bury him in and Mom and I finished the hole 
Thursday morning. We lowered him into his final resting spot. 
In the backyard where he loved to run and play and dig and cause trouble.

My backyard has always been a very happy place for me.
Now I go out there with dread.
And yet there was no other place he could be.
He must stay close to me.

I placed a marker I made on the pile of dirt that marks his spot.
And I bought a bunch of green and yellow and orange flowers at Michael's to decorate it with.
Next year I'll start a special garden there and I must find the perfect St. Francis statue for the spot.

I have asked God why over and over, why he would take the one thing in this world that takes care of me.
My Newman who I have told time and time again that he is all that matters to me....
that he is the man of the house.

How could God do this at a time when I need him so badly.
It's always hard when you lose a pet....
but I thought I'd only lose one in old age because I am such a good dog Mom.
I feel like I failed him. The vet said he was sooooo healthy....and they ran bloodwork and checked his heart and all was sooooo good, they never thought this would happen. 
How did I miss that his tooth was hurt?
Why didn't we think about not pulling them right then. Why? Why? Why?
The vet suggested and autopsy. But I couldn't bare that.

Nine years ago this month, I lost my father in a motorcycle accident. 
He was on a bike he'd only had three weeks. 
I have never been the same since. But after years of feeling bad, I was finally in a spot where I was ok with it and had accepted it and said this is my life now without him.
The reason I had Newman is I had Violet but was still sad and lonely and a friend of mine the year after 
my father's death said I needed another dog and she gave me the money for my birthday to go find one.
I found him in the paper. He brought me so much joy....that he helped to heal my broken heart.

Now nine years later....I feel I am all the way down in that black hole I was in then.
When I finally slept Thursday night after not having slept since Sunday....I went to bed wishing I would not wake up.
Newman as a puppy.

I'm all the way down and all my work to pull myself out of depression has been for nothing because this has put me all the way down in it again.

This morning I was out at his grave as I guess I will be for all the mornings I have left on this earth and I had this thought.
"Oh Newman my Real Live Boy. You are in heaven with my Daddy and you really are a Real Live Boy. 
You walk on two legs and have reddish sandy blond hair and bright yellow eyes.
You and Dad go fishing together. My father always wanted a grandson...something that never happened.
I believe you are whatever age you wish to be in heaven and really whatever you want to be.
I know my Dad is himself at age 39 because he always said that was his favorite age. When he felt his best. And it just occurred to me that like Pinnochio....Newman finally has become a Real Live Boy.

I've mentioned Newman a lot here on this blog. His antics kept me entertained and amazed and on my toes always. I always had to try to stay one step ahead of him.
He was not a hyper dog in any way. He was determined and happy and brave. 
So many times he could have died and didn't.
Like the five or six times he got out through the gate or out the front door. 

One time I was having a garage sale and all four dogs got out because I'd left the gate open without realizing it. 

Harvey and Sally quickly returned to the yard but Violet and Newman were off and running....
Violet ran to a neighbor's yard and thankfully they were in it and she jumped in their arms.
I told them to hold her till I came back.

I saw Newman go around the corner headed toward a busy street. I was panic stricken. I ran back home 
and started throwing things out of my driveway to get my car out to go after him....for he was long gone 
I feared. I looked up to see he'd decided to turn around and was now running back down the street past 
my house and he turned and looked at me and I swear he was smiling ear to ear as he ran past towards 
the park with me screaming his name. 

By then, neighbors had heard and they came out to help me catch him. 
We caught him before he reached the park.
I was never so relieved. 
He pulled this stunt several times.
He used to try to sneak out between peoples' legs at the gate as we said goodbye.
After he did this twice....I then started always always holding him when anyone left.
This upset him because he wanted to go!

He was terrible in the car. Not because he was scared of the car but because he wanted to drive the car.
He'd be all over it everywhere. Up on the dash in your lap over to the window.
Smiling and wagging his tail and having the greatest time but it was hard.
I once asked Mom to take him to the vet and I can't remember what it was for but she brought my sister with her and thank goodness she did because at one point my sister said..
"Mom! Newman has rolled down the back window and is jumping out!"
Sure enough he'd managed to roll down the back window and he was half way out in a moving car.
That scared them so badly and my Mom said she would never take him again without me.

When his back hurt he was very very good in the car though.

He once pulled through his collar as we walked the parking lot to go into the vet's office and headed straight towards a very busy street. I was screaming and screaming for someone to help. A man heard my screams and ran and grabbed him just before he ran into the street.

He never again went anywhere that he wasn't in a harness.

He ate a live baby bird in one gulp once...

He fought a opossum once...

He climbed a ladder to try to get at a bird house with little baby birds in it.

Thank goodness I caught him in action.

He'd just dive off of anything and everything.

I bought a ramp for him to use at the bed when he first hurt his back and he did use it....he'd thunder
up and down it. 

He fought a stray cat under the deck once and came out with a nasty gash which scared me so badly.

He was just a dare devil.
And he was my heart.

The past couple of weeks....I must have felt this coming...because I've looked at him so much lately and 
thought "Oh....Newman you are my heart....what will I do when you are gone?" "What will I do?"
I took relief in thinking it would be many years before I faced it.

I was very wrong about that.

My house is soooo quiet without him.
Almost like no dogs live here. 

So I know this was long but I wanted to share how special he was to me and there are several stories 
about him on this blog that you can read if you look on the right at my category cloud and click on Newman. 

I take this blog seriously...like a job....I try to post every day and try to be something everyone 
can count on with my Sunday Open Houses and Mod Mix Monday.

Right now I feel all is so stupid. I don't feel like posting anything ever again.
It hurts to see his photos here so much.

I usually am so excited about decorating for Halloween....but now I just have a sick feeling....I don't know that I can muster it. I was getting ready to redo my bedroom.....and now I can't even bare to be in there because that is where I knew he was gone and then got the phone call.

I used to feel so happy and safe when in bed with my dogs. 
Now I am frightened of what will be the next horrible thing that will happen.

I hope I can get back to posting regularly soon because this blog and all the people I have met through it have brought me great joy. It's just right now...I can't find any pleasure in anything.

I would love any suggestions as to how to get through this.
I know you just put one foot in front of the other....and keep going....and I've done this before 
because certainly I've had many bad things happen in the past.

I am just feeling so alone and sad right now.
And wondering how to begin again.

To think this is the last time I will ever post about him.......
My Newman, he is a Real Live Boy, now.


LindaR said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Check out this link for remembrances.


Coloradolady said...

Nita, I have sat here and read this post about Newman and cried like a baby. There are no words to adequately express the sorrow I feel at his passing. I can not believe it same as you. Bless his heart and yours too.

I know you blame yourself, but there are just some things we just don't know and do what we can. Even when it is not enough.

So much of what you wrote is so much like my pups too, and thinking of them not here is just unimaginable.

I will pray for comfort, but I know you feel like your heart has been ripped out. I am so so sorry and I am so very sad as well.

I wish I was close, and we could sit and cry together. Just know you are not alone, and I am thinking of you.

Newman will be missed.....he was a sweetheart!

Amy said...

Good morning. I've never commented to you before but I've admired your blog and wanted to write this morning. Don't give up. I know it's hard. My dad died suddenly when I was 18 and I am now 42. My mom just died two years ago after a two year battle with pancreatic cancer. Her surgery is what took her from us, not the cancer. I don't have a dog, but I have an 11 year old son and as I read your post I thought about how I would feel if I lost him. I think you need to eat, breathe, and take one hour at a time. That's how I took my mom's passing . . one hour at a time. Doing things you love will help . . . cook, craft, blast music really loud, drink good tea, watch your favorite movies, practice self care and wait . . .the world will carry on and will carry you out of the darkness. I will send a prayer and happy, good thoughts your way today and every day until I see you blogging again.
Grace and Peace,
Amy V., Irwin, PA

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I have no children, and my fur babies are my children. I had to be hospitalized when I lost one of my cats.

Doing what you have just done is probably the best start you can have. Get it all out of your system, tell your story.

Try not to be hard on Sally. All siblings have spats. She feels bad enough on her own. You really need to re-assure her that you are not mad at her, nor do you blame her. She has feeling too.

I know that really nothing anyone at this moment can say will help.

Loosing "babies" all my life, I know the pain. However, where there is life, there is death. I know you can not see that right now. But, nothing happens by chance. There is a reason this happened.

Love your other babies like you have never loved them before. They need that from you, and you need that from them.

Good Luck, and God's Blessing on you!

d e l i g h t said...

I am so so sorry to hear of the loss of your sweet Newman. My heart aches for you. May you find peace in the days ahead.

Ann at the Handley Bungalow said...

Oh I am so, so sorry for your loss. I've lost a couple dogs, too, and I totally understand how you feel. I will keep you and your friend in my prayers. Just take care of yourself. Every day is a gift with people and animals. big hugs, Ann

Stacey said...

Nita, I am so so sorry for your loss. It was always obvious that you loved Newman. I'm sure he knew to the very last moment that you loved him very much. Please don't be so hard on yourself. We aren't perfect and we can't understand everything that happens. We lost our dachshund, Molly, last summer...she was 16 or 17. I didn't realize what was happening either. I felt guilty too because there were some odd signs there that didn't register for me.

Please know that I'm sending you hugs and prayers.

Susan D. said...

Hi, I'm sister to Amy from Maison Decor, and I lost my infant son three years ago. Since you asked for suggestions, I hope you don't mind my advice. I think you really should make an appt with a therapist who can help you with the feelings of guilt that you feel that are mixed in with your grief. These are the early days of your grief, so don't be too hard on yourself. It is also okay if you need to take a medication temporarily until you are up your feet again -- talk to your primary doc about that. {{{hugs}}} I am so sorry for your loss.

An Urban Cottage said...

I can't begin to say anything that will take away the pain you're feeling. I know the pain and there's nothing that fixes it but time. There's no one to blame; sometimes these things just happen. Even to great moms like you.

I have a lump in my throat and an ache in my heart for you.

My thoughts are with you and your friend.


Stephanie said...

Oh, Nita I am so terribly sorry for your loss. My Riley is 7 and I already worry so and dread losing her. She is our baby and I'll be an absolute wreck when she's gone. Don't beat yourself up about how this happened - it was a shock to the vets as well - you couldn't have known. Time will begin to heal your deep wounds.

hulla said...

I know all too well how hard this is for you. Hindsight is 20/20 as they say, but it does nothing but make you miserable. I've had three cats whose illnesses I should have caught, and I felt enormous guilt when two of them had to be put down in the end, but it gets you nowhere. He's at peace, and I'm sure he wants you to be at peace as well. Give yourself that gift, because you've suffered enough.

Olive said...

Goodbye sweet and brave Newman. Nita, I see how over whelmed with sadness you are right now. You have lost a family member and only time will get you through this. Try to hang on with every thing you can. You have three other family members to care for and a Mom and a very ill cousin. Not to mention your blog which you have enjoyed so much before this loss. Take a break and rest for a while though we will be here. love and hugs, olive

DreamgirlLisa said...

Nita I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I know that no amount of kind words will help you feel better right now, but in time things will get easier.
Love & hugs, Lisa

"Create Beauty" said...

One of the best things that you have done, is to write Newmans story, to share your grief.

I've been there, I know it is hard and you lose interest in everything, filled with sadness, but you must feel it ~ and then the heaviness will begin to lift. For me, a new puppy helped, but I would look at her the first week and say, "You are cute, but you're not my Rocky"... But then she wrapped her paws around my heart.

I've had to say good-bye to several dogs that meant the world to me, and so I understand how sad you are. I am lifting you in prayer and want you to know that I care...


Sharon @ Elizabeth & Co. said...

I am so sorry for your loss Nita. Your Newman sounds like one very special and loving companion. There is no quick fix for grief, but I hope it helps to know that you have friends who care about you. Please take care of yourself!

Bonnie said...

What a devastating experience! I can hear and feel your suffering and promise to pray for you. We have just gone through something similiar with having our old cat's teeth cleaned and several pulled. He has gone downhill quickly and, at 15 years of age, we should not have gone through with it. I console myself with the fact that I have always given him good care and taken the vets advice, even though my gut feeling was NOT to have the surgery. Something with the anethesia and recovery, I think. He is still hanging on, but it is pitiful to watch. I am telling you all of this only to say that these sort of stories happen every single day. We have our animals, we love them as family members, and something takes them from us. The main thing to focus on is that you loved your dog and did what you thought was best at each moment (moment to moment which is where we live). You never had any intent to harm him and it is likely that the outcome would have been the same even if you had taken him in earlier. You must not blame yourself! I have lost many animals over the years and the pain is horrific and it takes a long, long time to get over. I hope that you will be gentle with yourself and do whatever it is that you need to heal. Your blog readers will be here whenever you return, I am certain. Blessings to you and prayers to follow in the days and weeks ahead.

Courtney ~ French Country Cottage said...

Oh Nita... I am so very sorry to hear about Newman. Your post is so moving and heartfelt- I know how very much you love him. You are a wonderful dog mom to all your weenies. I don't have any words of wisdom but please know that you are loved by so many. Sending good thoughts and hugs and love your way.

Pamela said...

I am very sorry for your loss.
I completely understand the incredible grief you are feeling. Please don't beat yourself up about what you could have done....

Blessings and sympathy
Pamela xo

Ann said...

Nita, I am so sorry for your loss. I have no words of advice, I just wanted to say I am sorry and you are in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

Oh Nita, my heart is breaking for you! There are no words sufficient at a time like this. Just know you are in the thoughts and prayers of everyone who cares about you and Newman. Jana in Texas

Kim @ Savvy Southern Style said...

Nita, so so sorry. I know words are not much help now. I have cried through your touching post for Newman. I know we all dread losing our dear beloved pets who become family to us. I hope your broken heart heals soon.


Jill Dodson said...

Oh Nita,
I read every word and I honestly feel for you. I think we have a lot in common, my animals have been my children and will continue to be throughout my life. I lost my dad when I was 32, he was a wonderful and giving man that adopted my brothers and I, as our biological father was not a good person.
You are going through some unbelievably rough times and hopefully the words of love and encouragement of family and friends will get you through it all. Time will heal you and you will be happy again, your other fur kids need you too. You are an inspiration, I love your blog and your style, you have inspired me to start my own blog. Please don't give up, I do understand that feeling bad and second guessing is a natural part of the grieving process, it just is. You are in my thoughts and prayers, please feel better.

Darling @ Junque 'n my Trunk said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I have 2 weiners as well, and can't imagine life without them. No words can ease your pain. DO NOT feel guilty, you are a GOOD Mommy!!


Korrie@RedHenHome said...

Nita, I am so very sorry for your loss. My sympathies are with you.

Kelsie from Our Country Home and Studio Photography said...

Dearest Nita,
I am so sorry for your loss and the hurt your heart is feeling...It is hard to reach the bottom of the pit knowing you need to claw you way back out again...Psalms 91 brings me so much comfort when I am feeling lost, alone and so very frightened in the dark of night.

I pray you find comfort in the fact you were blessed with so many wonderful memories and stories to share about your little boy over the last 8yrs...Life without him will never be the same, but it will be better for having known him during his time on earth.

Love and Blessings Kelsie

René said...

Nita, I am so very, very sorry for your loss. Newman was a special little guy as you have written to me numerous times about his colorful personality. I'm so sorry. Big hug.

Victoria said...

I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby:( I really agree with one of the other posters that you should seek therapy, not only for this but for what you're going through with you cousin. It's a big load to carry and talking to someone about it can do wonders! Sometimes we think we can get through these things alone and the distress ends up rearing its head in other ways down the road. Big hugs and lots of prayers to you.

The Charm of Home said...

I am so sorry for your loss. It is hard to lose a beloved pet. May you soon have happy memories and fondness in your heart.

Teresa@1800 Farmhouse Rd said...

I am so sorry. I had left a comment before you posted this, just left it in the wrong place. Your in my prayers, because I know how it feels to lose your favorite baby of all!

Debra@CommonGround said...

Sweet Nita, my heart goes out to you, as I have been in the same place you are. I lost a beloved white cat several years ago. She had been with me thru my major heart attacks and surgery. Was my constant companion, and the love of my life. I second guessed every decision and blamed myself. I understand every word you wrote. Please know that you need time to grieve and that it slowly WILL get easier, I promise.
Take your grief and leave it with God, ask Him for His peace, and ask Him to heal your broken heart. He will. Take time to rest, we all love you and truly understand.
much love and big hugs,

24 Corners said...

Oh Nita...I'm so very sorry. Please don't be so hard on yourself...you were and are the very best of dog mommies...there's such a bigger picture going on here...your heart has been in many places at the moment, giving and loving in so many areas...you truly were doing your very best, one day you will see that...it will take time though.
But precious, dear, sweet Newman *is* in heaven right now...and one day you will see both him and your dad again, and they will greet you with smiles.
Prayers and hugs for your heart...again, I'm so sorry.
xo Jessica

Sunny Simple Life said...

Nita I am so very sorry about your loss. I know how hard this is. With your cousin sick as well it can feel like the dark cloud is so heavy on your heart. Nine years ago I lost my mom and dad within three months and to cheer my girls up I bought them a kitten that died two weeks later from heart problems and then all of a sudden on the first Mother's day after my mom's passing, our beloved lab only six yrs old died of some rare disorder. When your child tells you she never wants another pet or to love anything because everything in our house dies, you are at your worst. I am not trying to tell you this to make you feel worse but just that I have been there. I know your pain. Maybe that helps to know others have been thru it. It did take years for me to get over it but my girls being kids bounced back sooner thank God. Take the time you need and we will miss your lovely voice but understand you made just need to be for right now. I hope I didn't make you feel worse. Not what I wanted to do. Take care of you.


You have my deepest sympathy in the loss of your beloved Newman!
Sounds like his name really "fit" him.
I have 3 Jack Russell terriers and huge dog lover.
You will blog when the time is right for you...take care.

Cindi Myers said...

Oh Nita, after talking with you yesterday I thought I could handle this post and yet I am sobbing.
You have written a wonderful tribute to him and you can see from the comments how so many people care about you and share your pain. Please connect Kary, I think she can help you work through this to some degree. My heart is broken for you my friend. I know that Newman was not an ordinary little dog but special and one of a kind, never to be replaced. I am always here, don't hestitate to call or email. Please don't be mad at Sally. She would never really mean him harm.
I know you don't want to post but I think you need to occupy your mind and you know that you have all of us out here in the Blog World that love you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Love you! - Cindi

Cindi Myers said...

Oh Nita, after talking with you yesterday I thought I could handle this post and yet I am sobbing.
You have written a wonderful tribute to him and you can see from the comments how so many people care about you and share your pain. Please connect Kary, I think she can help you work through this to some degree. My heart is broken for you my friend. I know that Newman was not an ordinary little dog but special and one of a kind, never to be replaced. I am always here, don't hestitate to call or email. Please don't be mad at Sally. She would never really mean him harm.
I know you don't want to post but I think you need to occupy your mind and you know that you have all of us out here in the Blog World that love you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Love you! - Cindi

Carol said...

SO sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and know that I will be sending healing vibes your way.

Anonymous said...

Nita, I am so very sorry for you, my heart is breaking for you, but I will keep in prayers....Take your time and get back to blogging (if you do) when it is best for you, allow time to heal....Xoxoxo ~Ashley

Jacqueline~Cabin and Cottage said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Blessings to you!

the gardener's cottage said...

dear nita, i'm so heartbroken for you on so many levels. i wish there was something i could say to make you feel better. i adore animals, all animals, that's why i am a vegan. people say time helps. i don't know. my thoughts and prayers are with you now. xo janet

Shayla said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I couldn't finish reading the whole thing because I'll never stop crying if I do. I have a black and tan doxie who is my heart, I'm going to go hold her now... Take time to heal your heart - my thought are with you...

A Whole Lotta Magic said...

Nita, you did everything right. Newman had a wonderful life and he was lucky to have such a wonderful mom; you were lucky to have eachother!

When my girl, Jasper died, Cody (her brother) went into mourning right along with us. He didn`t eat for 2 weeks; we had to spoon feed him. It took me about 2 months before I was myself again; the pain does fade a bit. To this day though, I miss her very, very much.

We`ve since lost Cody too and that was devasting as well; it never gets easier. A couple of months after Cody`s death, I was ready to love again and now I have Ben. I can`t tell you how happy he makes each and every one of my days.

Sally will need you in the coming weeks and months so maybe you can find comfort in each other? She`s feeling just as lost and lonesome as you are.

I`m so sorry for your loss,



My Farmhouse Kitchen said...

Dear Nita, cindi contacted me in an email about your great loss...my first time here...but i feel a connection. I lost my sweet, precious red toy poodle on march 3, 2010. i wanted to die too. i didn't think i could go on without Buddy here. it was the greatest loss of my life...this is terrible...but i am going to say it...it was more devastating than losing my mother to cancer in aug. 2006 ...losing Buddy turned my whole life upside down. i knew from thanksgiving 2009 that something was wrong. he developed a cough. i got a christmas tree...but it sat bare that year. the cough kept us up all night for the last 3 months...poor little guy...we tried every cough medicine there was...the vet tried EVERYTHING !!! but she never said it was heart failure...i still question that...i was so worried about Buddy i could barely function. those last 3 months with Buddy was such a struggle. i lost a 40 year friendship over it as well...my friend just had her book published and i didn't call to congratulate her on it..i told her flat out i didn't care...i was sick with worry about Buddy...the friendship ended. when the vet told me on march 3, 2010 that Buddy was in heart failure i literally fell to my knees... she said he would die within hours...a terrible death or we could put him to sleep....i was HYSTERICAL !!!!! i didn't eat for a month. i felt like the walking dead. i thought i would NEVER smile again. all of my days were consumed with going to pet loss chat rooms and the rainbow bridge. a blog friend sent me a huge box of pet loss books...i read them over and over. she said.."get another dog". Buddy was my only dog. i knew i could NEVER replace Buddy...but i also knew i could not live without a doggy.... 7 weeks later i got Teddy. another red toy poodle. teddy saved my life. i know your situation IS different...you have other dogs...but i SO understand how you miss Newman. i have been able to move on...somewhat. i still cry over losing Buddy..almost daily...but it does get better...i thought it NEVER would...but it does.

please accept my heartfelt sympathy...what got me through some VERY DARK days was the kindness and compassion from fellow dog loving bloggers. i didn't feel so alone. i KNOW what a total heartbreak this is...

please feel free to email me if you feel the desire. i am always here and would do anything i could to support and comfort you at this time...

kary at: myfarmhousekitchen@yahoo.com

ℳartina @ Northern Nesting said...

Nita I am so so sorry for your loss! Newman had a wonderful life with you and knows how much you loved him! I know how hard it is to lose a family pet because they are so much part of the family. Thinking of you, Martina

Sixty-Fifth Avenue said...

I am so sad to hear about your sweet Newman. This is not your fault. I wish I had something to say to make you feel better. Hang in there for your other dogs, they need you more than ever now.

Mary Ann said...

So very sorry to hear about Newman. We recently lost one of our Doxie's too. It will get easier, although, you will never forget. You have great memories of all of his escapades, dwell on that fun part of his life. Don't blame yourself, you did what you could and these little rascals can't tell us what is wrong. Heidi, our long haired recently started peeing on the floor, something she had never done. After the 3rd day, we took her to the vet and she had a bladder infection. You should have seen me running around behind her in the yard with a ladle trying to get a specimen for the vet. These babies bring us so much joy. I would suggest that if you don't feel better in a week or so, to talk to a therapist, someone who is trained to deal with grief. Love on your other babies and God Bless!

Nancy said...

Good Morning Nita,

These 4 legged little furbabies are our family, they depend on us for everything from the time we adopt them. Our Lab died 2 weeks ago. She died within 1 week of becoming ill. In June she had a Perfect Physical, as they had been for the past 12 years. The afternoon she passed one of her lab test came back from the Pathologist, She had Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. From the oncet of the Cancer til death is about 3 weeks. We had no idea she was sick either. You cant blame yourself or any other pets for playing aggressively. Newman I am sure is happy, and playing in heaven with my Sweet Princess~
Huggs, Nancy

Unknown said...

So very sorry hun *HUGS*

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. We try to do everything we can to take care of our pets, but sometimes we can't. We can't know everything or see everything or protect them all the time. We look back and blame ourselves--we can't know everything. Newman had a wonderful life with you and loved you so much. Treasure that time. Not all dogs are so blessed.

PAINTORDIG.blogspot.com said...

Nita, I know how you feel honey. Through the years we have rescued and lost many dogs. We loved them all. The only way we got through it was to stay to busy to think! We have a pet cemetary , all fenced in and with monuments-that helps-you are still taking care of them this way. I try to image my doggies all well and running with their ears back and waiting for me in Heaven.Please get another puppy soon- caring for it will also take your mind of your loss. And Newman had a wonderful life- I am sure he would be happy that you got another baby to love. I know no one could take his place, but that would not be what you are doing-you are just helping another doggie to have a wonderful life. Maybe you should get one from the pound that would have no chance otherwise-I bet that would make Newman happy.

Brenda Pruitt said...

Nita, I know right now is the most difficult. But each day between tomorrow and what happened, I promise it will begin eventually to get better. I love my pets dearly; they sleep with me. They have brought me such comfort during this horrid divorce. Please stop being hard on yourself. We can't know what is going to happen. You will realize this. Now you are grieving. Grieve. Go ahead and plan his garden on paper. It will help with the grieving. Let it out and let it be...
Love ya, Brenda

AndeM1 said...

I am so sorry for your dear loss. We are dog people and our dogs are so much part of our family. we had to put our Maggie dog (she was going on 17 years old and a yorkie) to sleep in Febuary. It broke my heart too. I feel your pain. I am the one who finally made the decision and I hated it, but she was so sick. I kept quesitoning myself and going back and forth and finally realized what I had to do for my Maggie. While your situation is different I felt so awful, but it is so difficult with our dogs because they can talk with us and tell us how they are feeling....only their eyes tell us...and sometimes that is difficult to read. Again, I am so sorry for your loss. Newman sounds like a precious soul who will be dearly missed. He was a lucky guy to be a part of a loving family who cared so much for him.

Connie said...

So sorry for your pain. We'll all miss Newman. I love to read your comments about him. May God comfort you in your loss.

Decor To Adore said...

Oh Nita,

The tears are just streaming down my face. My heart is just breaking for you. You may remember that I too am a Doxie owner. (I will never have any other type of dog which I am sure you understand.) Over the years I have had Rex, Dude, Tot and others in my life. But my Rudi, well he is my special boy. There is just something about him. I just treasure that dog. So I understand how you feel about Newman.
But please dear one, don't beat yourself up. You are under an extreme amount of stress with your cousin's illness and now dear Newman's death. You are a good mom and Newman knew that. He knew he was loved. He will be waiting for you. Because dear dogs do go to Heaven. I believe that.
It is ok if you perhaps need Sally to go to a sitter's for awhile. You are grieving. I will be praying for you. Lean on the Lord. He loves you as much as you loved your sweetheart.

Amy Chalmers said...

Wow Nita, look how much everyone cares about you and Newman~since we have been on the phone you have gotten over 50 comments. I know that friendships help and talking about it helps. Newman is a real live boy now, and everytime you get sad about him, try and think about him getting to do as he wishes, running and having fun with your dad to guide him. He brought us together over the phone so I am grateful for that. And to think that we watched Pinochio the night he went to heaven~the universe is quite amazing, and Newman is part of it all, isn't he.

stefanie said...

I am so sorry for your loss!

Vickie H. said...

Dear Nita, my heart goes out to you at this very difficult time of loss. I have never commented on your blog before but as a dog lover feel compelled to tell you that you are in my prayers. Sadly, the only way around this awful thing is THROUGH it! You must feel the pain. You have much to be sad about. But you were a great mother to Newman and to the other dogs that share your home. Never doubt that. You did the very best you could given the circumstances. We can't know everything. Please focus on the joys that you shared with Newman and not on the loss of him. And who says you can never write another post about him? You can write EVERY POST from here on out about him if you want to. This is YOUR BLOG. And if you don't want to do that, then maybe you could write a letter to him every day. Whatever you feel like doing to honor him is available to you. Obviously you are greatly loved and supported here, based on the beautiful comments people are leaving. Ask the Lord to help you..HE will wrap HIS love around your shattered heart and help you pick up the pieces. Know that Newman is with HIM this very moment, healthy and whole and happy and waiting for the day you are all re-united once again. Please take care of yourself. Part of doing that may include visiting a grief counselor. You will not be sorry you went. We are all thinking of you and the remaining pups.

Lisa said...

It's terrible when our animals are ill because we feel helpless. They can't tell us what's bothering them, and we have to piece everything to make the best decisions for them. You did what you could for Newman and don't tell yourself otherwise. No one could have predicted his sudden passing. He loved you and you loved him - you were a devoted parent to Newman and he knew it. I hope that you are able to find peace with his passing soon.

Brenda Puccetti said...

I have so enjoyed your blog, I originally came for the decorating and style, but became ADDICTED to your Newman stories. I never met him, but still loved him from afar! He truly was special.

He is now in heaven looking down on you and willing you back to good health. He wants nothing more than for you to be happy and healthy.

I too had a beloved dog, Nala, (my kids named her!) She was my heart and soul, she was PERFECT. I too missed that she was truly ill, then did not have her put down to prevent her from suffering. I could not do it, I KNEW she was going to get better...she didn't. Then I felt guilty for not doing the humane thing. I felt soooo guilty. I was inconsolable. My husband bugged me, and bugged me AND BUGGED ME, to get another dog. I was resistant. I finally agreed...just to shut him up really :)...after he found an abused dog he wanted me to meet. She looked a lot like my Nala. He said she must have been abused by a man, she was very skittish of him when he went in the cage to meet her. So I reluctantly agreed to go down to meet her. I went in her cage and she RAN to me!! She instantly loved me...and I her. She never replaced my beloved Nala, but she eased the pain and helped to fill the void. She passed away a year and a half ago. She managed to worm her way into my heart and resides there still to this day.

I am telling you all this so you know there are others out here that have felt what you are feeling now, and managed...somehow, to get passed it. You never get over it, but you can move on.

Know that Newman would be sick if he felt he was responsible for the break of your relationship with Sallie. He wants you to love her like you did him.

I am praying for peace and understanding for you. :)

A Newman fan named, Brenda.

Elsina said...

I am so very sorry for your loss and wish you strength and comfort to get through these difficult days.

sassypackrat said...

I cried and cried when I read your post and I don't even know you but I do know the loss of a furry friend. I'm so very sorry for your loss!

Ann from On Sutton Place said...

I know what you mean about blogging being stupid when things in your life are spiraling out of control. I also know what you mean about fighting depression, finally, maybe getting better and then having life knock you down again. All I can say is that you need time. Time is the only thing that heals. All the condolences in the world won't really help. I am truly sorry this has happened to you. I haven't commented on your blog for a while and I'm sorry for that. But I wanted you to know that even though your blog seems silly right now, it may be the one thing that gets you through this. It is the one place where you can be honest and mourn your loss. The pain has to come out. Let it out here.

GRAÇA said...

Nita! eu me chamo Kika e como te entendo bem,pois sendo uma gata também sei o que é perder o nosso amor,é uma dor que parece que não passa pois há um mês perdi o meu namorado que tinha um ano e onze meses e morreu em tres semanas ,o1º vetrenario disse que a tosse era pelos que ele ingulia ,2º vetrenarioo que estáva com peneumonia deu lhe antibiotico melhorou mas passado dois dias estava outra vez com tosse ,ele disse para tomar mais uma semana ,ao fim de 3 dias começou com falta de ar levaram logo para uma clinica só de gatos ai viram que ele estava ccom os polmoes cheios de liquido ,tiraram sangue para analises e foram tirar liquido dos pulmões...não acordou o coração deixou de bater,aas analises deram que ele tinha leucemia felina,nunca tinha tido nada enenhum vetrenario nunca desconfiou de nada,a verdade é que fiquei sem o meu amor agora tenho uma estrelinha no céu que é só minha e me manda mensagens e me pede para não chorar pois todos os dias os meus bigodes ficam com lagrimas,a minha dona anda triste também e diz que eu estou distante ,me dá ainda mais colinho e festinhase beijinhos,mas eu sinto que ele ja não está cá,as cicatrizes tem que cicatrizar pois os meus amigos não me tem deixado
Sei que te sentes culpada ,não te sintas culpada ,Deus manda anjos há terra transformados em animais para varias coisas:para nos conhecer melhor ,para nos ajudar ,para nos tornarmos melhores pessoas
Pensa que ainda tens os outros e eles estão a precisar muito de ti ,eles estão sofrendo a falta do seu amigo por eles tens que ter força por eles,porque eles também te amam muito...
Turrinhas muito carinhosas da gatinha

tracy mooney said...

Nita, so sorry for your lost. I cried reading your post. My furry children are my kids like yours our to you. We had to put one of our furry friends to sleep a few years ago and he was 8 too! My thought and prayers are with you.

D.B. said...

Dear, Nita............I am so so so sorry. My heart is aching for you. I am stunned by this news. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Hang on, girl. Surrounding you with love.

Cynthia at Interior Design Hound said...

Dear Nita,

Please know that your sweet Newman brought joy to many others' lives. The Real Live Boy touched our lives although we never met the little guy. His antics & escapades brought us smiles & laughter...he was a real character and he will be missed.

All of these gifts were brought to us by your writing & your photographs. You are talented & have a gift.

Please know we are all heart broken by Newman's loss and we're thinking of you and Violet, Sally & Harvey. Take all of the time you need to grieve & honor Newman...we will be here when you return.

Please email if you need someone to talk to-

Cynthia Waldenmaier

Debby said...

Nita, I am so sad for you right now. I read your entire post. I feel so bad. It wasn't your fault. I think
Newman must have had something serious going on.
My Yorkie, 6 years, was dianosed with hepatitis this week. She has bad teeth and one bad ear. She had 8 teeth pulled when she was 3. The vet just told us in May that she needed two molars pulled in a few months. We were saving money for this. She gradually started snoring and gaining weight. Then panting and not sleeping and then her belly got so big. I should have called the vet a month ago. I called to tell them she needed to be seen to see if we could even do the surgery. They saw her immediately. Enlarged liver, lymph nodes, Ultra sound and blood work confirming. They think the breathing is from the teeth but not sure about the liver disease. She is breathing better which is great but the liver problem could still be a serious problem. I feel really bad for not doing anything sooner.

Nita, there is one thing that will help. I know that you aren't ready for this. We lost our Springer 18 months ago. We mourned her and our granddaughters wouldn't quit crying. One day we went to just look and not adopt another dog. We went to the pound, left and returned an hour later. There was a 4 month Springer waiting for us when we returned. We swear our Matty Springer sent her to us. It was such a blessing. Brought him home and 10 days later he had Parvo. I was determined not to loose this puppy and we didn't. Sure that this is the last thing you want to do but you will know. It was the best thing we ever did. I wished we hadn't waited 2 months.
(((((HUGS))))) I hope your heart heals.

Sarah @ Modern Country Style said...

Nita, I am so sorry that you're feeling so much pain and anguish - and that Newman dying has bought so much sadness from your father dying.

But please know that you are never alone. Look at all the comments you've received. People waiting to pour love on you.

Plus, I have found at my very darkest moments that Jesus is ALWAYS there. Always, always. Loving me in my pain and tears.

I will be praying you find His comfort too - it's like nothing else on earth.


Mystical Gypsy said...

Dear Nita, I just kind of randomly clicked on your blog linked from Violet at "Create Beauty". But now I don't think it was random. We also lost a beloved Doxie several years ago at the vet when we took him in to get a bad tooth pulled. It was heart breaking! This past January we had to put down our dear Newfoundland. So many things in your blog I could relate to. And then to see you're just down the road in OKC (I'm in Tulsa). I think I was supposed to "randomly" click on your blog today and send you prayers of comfort. The grief of losing a much loved pet is just as strong as losing a relative. Writing about it like you did does help. My husband created a photo collage tribute to help him process his grief. Knowing that others totally understand your pain helps too. You'll get thru this - Newman would want you to live with gusto & spread joy and beauty just like he did. Doxies don't quit & wouldn't want you to either. Much love and sympathy from MG in Tulsa.

reFresh reStyle said...

My heart is broken, I know the love of a pet. I am so sorry that you lost Newman so young.

Teresa said...

Nita, I was so sad to hear that newman died....so hard. I know how much he meant to you.... and how he found a place in your heart. I believe that when all is said and done here on earth...you will get be with your beloved Newman in a much happier place.....but right now he needs you to take care of his little friends left behind. May you feel the love from the comments found here....to gather up your strength and carry on.

Hugs- Teresa

Kara said...

Just wanted to say how sorry I am. My dogs mean the world to me too.

Unknown said...

Dear Nita, May your heart feel joy in life again soon. Newman would want you to be happy. Rest in Peace Newman, you will always be remembered.

Jan's camera said...

I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Newman. I have also been through the loss of a pet that I loved. Please don't blame yourself. Sadly, our pets cannot tell us how they feel. So many of us have experienced your pain. You will always remember the love and joy that he brought to your life and you to his.

Gillian said...

I'm so sorry this has happened and you are bereft.

You've done it before (been through tough times), things will get better even though they don't seem like it. Hang in there. You are not alone.

: )

Sharon Rexroad's Bringing Creativity 2 Life said...

Nita, my heart feels your heart's loss. Newman was blessed to have had you as his Momma and to have Sally as his sister. The loss must feel unbearable right now, and a tiny piece of your heart will always be with him, just as a part of your heart is always with your dad.

Talk to a therapist or pastor. If needed, explore medication to get you through the pain. Know we are here for you, whether you're actively blogging or not.

Debbiedoos said...

Oh Nita, I am so so so sorry about Newman. I balled reading this, because I can't imagine how it feels to lose a pet. Lucy is our first and only pet, and the thought just kills me to think. Newman gave you precious memories ones to always hold near and dear to your heart. XO

Ricki Treleaven said...

Oh, Nita, honey, my heart is breaking for you. I read your entire post, but it took me a long time because I have tears streaming down my face. I am so, so sorry about Newman. I know you loved him so much, and our dogs are truly so loving and loyal. They love us unconditionally, too. All I can say is that I will pray for you, and although you are still in the midst of grieving, I think that the best thing you can do (eventually) is open up your heart to another little weenie baby who needs a loving mom.

I will miss reading your blog, but please take as much time as you need. I will be here when you return! You are not having a good year, and I am so sorry because you are such a wonderful person, daughter, cousin, friend, and blogger.

Ricki Jill

JD said...

Dear Nita, I'm so sorry for your loss. I really have enjoyed reading your blog,the adventures of your dogs and the decorating advice.I don't know you but believe that Newman helped you become the new you,the you after your father passed. He was there and you bloomed again. You loved again. He gave that to you,and you loved him. You didn't let him down,life isn't perfect. Humans always qualify love,dogs just love. I wish you the best and all the love to heal your heart. jd

Lou Cinda @ Tattered Hydrangeas said...

Oh, Nita, I am so sorry for your loss of Newman and I know exactly how you feel! I lost my beloved cat "Bella" on June 25th. I have no idea what happened to her. I let her out and she never came back...I spent weeks tromping through the woods and neighborhood looking for her...put out flyers, ads in the paper, everything I could think of. I beat myself up over and over because I was the one who let her out....I will never forgive myself for that....please know that may prayers are being said for you...my heart hurts with yours...

Lou Cinda

Jennifer said...

Oh Nita, I am so so sad for you. I have been thinking about you since Amy posted about Newman yesterday, and I will be sending out many thoughts in the days to come. I am so very sorry about your sweet puppy.

Market Decor said...

I am so very, very sorry. I have a Dachshund - Daisy, and I love her. My heart goes out to you, I am so sad for you and I don't even know you - your writing...well, I just cried, Newman and you were so lucky to have each other. Oh, it is so hard for you I know, I am so sorry.

Modern Country Lady said...

O, Nita , I am so, so sorry... what can I say or do to help you. I know exactly how you feel and how you are hurting right now, as I lost Harris, my lovely terrier/spaniel cross last year.
It does get easier and less painfyl..but it wil take time

Lisa said...

Dear Nita,
I am so sorry for your terrible loss. Certain people - like us - view their pets as true members of the family. Just as important and immeasurably dear. My heart aches for you. I want you to know something - I KNOW you were the best mom in the world to Newman and he had a wonderful life because of you. Please try not to beat yourself up over this. It is so tricky to know when they are sick or hurt - if only they could talk! And you take as much time as you want away from the blog because you need and deserve it. I don't know why such difficult things can happen so close together, but try to trust that you can get through it. Baby steps. Big hugs and prayers for you and your cousin.
the enchanted oven

Unknown said...

Oh Nita, I am so sorry to hear about Newman. I know how much you will miss him and I know what a good mother you have been to all of your pups. I will say a special prayer for you tonight, and Newman...
Your post is a very special tribute to him, I know he loves you very much. Please take care of yourself and give the other weenies lots of extra love~Penny

HollyM said...

Oh, Nita! I'm so very sorry; this is heartbreaking! You've had me in tears here, and I wish there was something, anything, I could do to make you feel better. Sadly, grief is a long and very personal process.

If it helps you, don't stop writing about Newman. We will listen, just as if we were right there with you, on the couch, handing you tissues as you talk about your sweet Newman. Maybe it will help.

My deepest sympathy, my dear. There are many of us who have lost our parents, and pets dear to us, and we do know just how awful you feel at this moment. I won't say anything trite like "it will take time". Right now, it looks bleak and horrible. We know. It's okay, perfectly natural and normal, to grieve deeply. We'll be here when you want to talk. If you want to talk. Okay?

Patty said...

Dearest Nita,
My heart is broken for you....I am so very very sorry. Please please do not be so hard on yourself....none of this is your fault! We can second guess ourselves over anything, but truth is.....the details you wrote about probably did not cause any of it. Newman, your Real Live Boy would never ever want you to feel like you caused this to happen. He and your Dad would want you to grieve in the way you need to, but then....they would want you to be happy again. YOu deserve to grieve, and if that means taking time from the blog....we understand!! I am so sorry about your cousin too, and I am going to be praying for her and you too.
Much love and hugs... xoxoxo
(I recently sent you the picture of the "weenie dog" hotdog....one day you will be able to smile again....I promise.) And your other dogs need you too....as I know they will grieve the loss of their brother in their own way...


I'm so sorry for your loss Nita, it is the worst, I had to put my 13 yr. old pug Benny last year and I became so sad I didn't know what to do, my mother, bless her, suggested I should go to the Dr. and ask for the medice she got when my dad died and it helped me a lot for a couple of months, than I did all the work myself on copeing with the loss. I'm very sad for you Nita and don't be so hard on yourself, how could this be your fault! I'm so sorry for your cousin too, I will pray for her and you. XOXO FABBY

Betsy Brock said...

Aw,..I'm so very sorry! I've lost pets before and it is so traumatic! I buried a favorite pet on my birthday a few years ago. Ugh.

Big hugs to you....

Kim@Chattafabulous said...

Nita, I'm so sorry for your loss and can feel your anguish through the words you've written. Please don't beat yourself up about what you could have done - you loved him and took the very best care of him. I will pray for strength and comfort for your little family. Please remember that in the end, Newman knew he was loved - and that's the best gift anyone could receive.

Nancy's Daily Dish said...

Oh Nita,

My heart aches for you! I wish I could give you a big hug and say it will be alright. I'm so so sorry about the loss of Newman and for the pain you are feeling.

Prayers and hugs,


Mandi Johnsrud said...

I'm so very sorry about Newman. I don't remember how I first found your blog, but do remember that I had to go back through it and read all about the kids. Thinking you were a kindered spirti because the way you love your kids is how i feel about my furry kids. I loved Newman because of the way that you talked about and loved Newman. My prayers are with you.

Anonymous said...

stopped by earlier and read this, but didn't feel like I should say anything since I don't know you. I had to come back. I am so sorry for you to feel this way and I am so sorry that this happened. I have been thinking of you and I will keep you in my prayers.

Vicki said...

Nita, my heart just breaks for you reading this. Please don't blame yourself. God has a plan. We are not in control. Please find comfort in that. You loved Newman so much. I know you love your cousin as well and it must be very hard to be strong right now. I hope that you can find some peace and comfort in the days and weeks ahead.

for the love of a house said...

There are no words to express how deeply saddened and sorry I am to learn that your dear Newman has died. He was a beautiful boy. Please do NOT be so hard on yourself. You did the best you could with the knowledge you had. You did not, nor could not have known.
The SPCA in Dallas had grief counseling. I hope you will seek this type of help... for you and for Newman. He would want you to heal. They will understand and hold your hand as you walk one step to the next to come out the other side. I am so, so sorry. I send you a hug....
with deepest sympathy for your great loss,

Janet Metzger, Artist said...

Hello Nita,

I'm here via Amy @ Maison Decor. So very sorry to hear of Newman's passing. He was a handsome guy.

I lost my dog Katie 3 years ago and I still miss her everyday. I know the pain you are feeling and my heart breaks for you.

Be strong and keep joyous thoughts of Newman each day.

Janet xox

Allyson K Designs said...

Nita, Your paean to Newman is beautiful. I read it holding my breath and have rarely been moved so deeply. Your short heart-felt piece touched me as much as did the Marley book. Your anguish is so palpable. I had a mixed breed dog who lived to be 21, went through college, grad school and my first marriage with me. When he finally died I felt like I'd been cut in half. My heart goes out to you.

Deb said...

Keeping you in my prayers, I have 3 dogs of my own, 2 being dachshunds. I know that special place in our hearts they hold. Take one day at a time and don't rush the hurt away...time is the only thing that heals, with God's help.

LeAnn said...

Oh dear Nita, this post broke my heart. I totally get it. We have two miniature schnauzers, Lucy Lu and Jackson. We have had Jackson since he was a pup and he is 5. We rescued Lucy Lu last summer at the age of 6. I have always adored Jackson but Lucy Lu has my heart and she was very ill two weeks ago and we thought we were going to lose her and all I could think about all day while she was at the ER vet was how am I going to live without her. I am so so sorry about Newman. He was too young. I wish I had words of wisdom for you. I remember when we lost our first schnauzer at the age of 13, we were devastated. Our dogs are like children to us. We cried for days and then six weeks later we got Jackson, not to replace Sam but to give love to another dog because we had so much to give. You need to grieve Newman's passing, take the time you need...maybe God already has a dog picked out for you that needs you! You are a wonderful dog mom, please don't blame yourself! Sometimes these things just happen for no reason.

Praying you feel better soon!


Connie @ Connie Nikiforoff Designs said...

So very sorry to hear about Newman. We have a half-doxi and have learned how very special they are. We also lost one of our 3 dogs (all mixed breeds) last fall....the loss was inconsolable for awhile. We understand your loss. They are all special and unique.

Stoney Creek Homestead said...

Dear Nita

I just discovered your blog. My heart wept for your loss.

I am a animal lover also. I lost my favourite Jersy, Betsy, two summers ago. I cried like a baby in the barn. I didn't want to leave the barn. My husband dug a hole, and he buried her for me. He also planted trees around her.

I blamed myself for her death. Milk fever. I knew it was my fault. That I must of done something wrong. I researched and researched. I became obsessed. After a few days, I realised what I did was all I good do for her.

I also learnt from it. Now, I know what not to do when they are calving. I have changed my health management with them. My cows are my babies.

Time does heal. Just give yourself time. Give Sally extra lovins. All your babies need you.

You, and your babies, are in my prayers.


Vicki V @ blestnest.blogspot.com said...

Nita, I am so very sorry for your loss. I will be praying for you. My dog is like one of my children. Please don't be so hard on yourself. You are a very, very excellent dog mom.

Honey I'm Home Blog said...

Hello Dear Nita, I've always loved your blog - your chandeliers & especially your darling wiener dogs. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm a dog lover too & your touching post brought back memories of when my "Lucky" died. I really believe there is a place for beloved dogs in heaven. I hope your heart & mind will be blessed with peace & that your cousin will be comforted in her time of need as well.

Warmly, Michelle

Lakeshore Cottage Living said...

My heart breaks for you.

Patrice said...

I read your post with tears streaming down.. I too lost my beloved mini doxie Sherman (15yrs young).. last week. I too can barely eat or sleep .. my heart aches so. Please accept my deepest sympathies on your loss. They say it gets better with time..it's hard to imagine at this point

Annette said...

OH Nita, I'm so sorry for Newman and you and your other babies. It's such a shame that as much joy and love they bring into our lives we can't communicate w/them when they are sick to know what is truly wrong w/them. He sounded like a little character w/a great personality! I'm sure the others are missing him too. We just lost our Malamute Shadow that was 13 1/2, I finally had to put him down, he was just deteriorating so much and I couldn't allow him to suffer any longer. His brother, Beau Jangles, a big lab missed him so much that first week. I'd never seen another animal mourn like that. Rest knowing he's safe in your backyard now.

Meadowsweet Cottage said...

What a lovely tribute to your sweet Newman this post is--I could feel your smiles and tears as I read it through. I know that empty feeling that a beloved furbaby leaves behind. Mourn his loss as much as you need--he deserves to be missed.

I hope you soon find comfort in your other babies, knowing that Newman rests close by and thinking of the fun that "real live boy" is having with your dad. ((Hugs))

Funky Junk Interiors said...

Oh Nita... I am so very deeply sorry for your loss. I so get it.

How to keep going? Move on? It's so very hard. But staying busy even when you don't want to was imperative for me.

And know, it's normal to resent the pets that remain. But your love for them will grow even more now and you'll soon wonder how you ever felt that way.

My thoughts and prayers are with you tonite. xo


Shirl said...

Dear Nita, I found your blog today through a link shared by another blogger who I follow (Funky Junk Interiors). She wanted all of her readers to come and read your heartbreaking story about the loss of beautiful little Newman.
I am so sorry for your loss Nita. As a doggy mum of two I know just how much these fluffy little ones mean...they are our babies...our family. I dread the day when I will have to say goodbye and I try not to think about it.
But I do want to say to you... Be at peace with the thought that little Newman will always be watching over you and he will be there when it is time for you to join him. I know this because my grandads dog, Scamp, (who had died a few years previously) came back to be with my grandad for the few days right before he passed on. My grandad told us that Scamp was there sitting at his side. He told us "He's come back for me" and he seemed so at peace with this. It helped me too...knowing that little Scamp was there for him when he went.
I hope this story helps a little Nita. Please don't blame yourself. Wishing you only love & happiness in your life...it will take time but things will get better. Shirley xxx

~Crystal~ said...

I found your blog recently & have never commented before, but I had to tell you that my heart breaks for you. I too have a some furbabies of my own...One being a little red Dachshund named Razzy. I sit here in tears....You feel your emotions & don't deny them. You have to let yourself grieve, but then you live again. Even though at this moment it doesn't seem possible. I'm sending you love. {{{Hugs}}}

Unknown said...

Dear Nita, My heart is breaking for you and your loss of Newman, I'm so sorry and I just don't know what to say. I wish I could just reach out and give you a hug. They say time heals and we know that to be true but that doesn't make it any easier to walk through the pain. My thoughts and prayers are with you as I have 3 dogs of my own and can't even bear the thought of them leaving. Hugs my dear and prayers for healing. Love Marilou

Kate said...

Dear Nita,
Your sweet girl, I completely understand your full story, I have lost my Harry 3 years ago and it was very unreal and breathless for me for some time without him, he was nearly 6ys. You have been such a good mum to Newman and he was indeed a very lucky little dog to have found you. From reading your heart felt story he truly loved you so much just like you loved him, please don't beat yourself up about it. He is with God now and probably having a real good time with your dad too. Just like my Harry would be, would not be surprised if Harry has met him there & showing him a few new tricks. Take each day as it comes Nita, you have to keep on going, you have your other dogs who love you and need you too. Keep busy and keep blogging IF that is what you enjoy, don't just stop to punish yourself, keep talking and getting it out, that is really good for you. You have a lot of people around who may not know you just like me BUT I am feeling for you so much, you have touched our hearts and I send you my warmest wishes for you to be able to cope with what is now your life without sweet Newman. He has etched his LOVE in your heart where it will be until you one day you meet him again.
Take care and I will remember you in my prayers Nita. Kate xxx :)

Donna Brady said...


I am so sorry for your loss. I do understand the loss of a dear family pet.....Annie, (my beautiful cat) was my heart for almost 15 years, and we lost her this year. I miss her so much. She brought a lot of joy to my life....much like Newman brought you. Take one day at a time....that is all we can do. Your other beloved dogs need you, too! I am sure Sally feels guilty enough...she needs to know that you love her and forgives her for the fight they had. She did not mean to hurt Newman....things just happen. Take the time you need to mourn.....my Daddy passed in 2000 after being in a coma state for a year and 10 days. I continue to grieve him, but I go on because I know that he is watching over me and that one day he will welcome me with open arms when JESUS calls me home. Doesn't make it easy, but death is a part of life.

My heartfelt prayers go up for you as you grieve and get through this loss. May HE comfort you during the days and weeks ahead.


yoborobo said...

Nita - I came here from Cindi's blog. I am so sorry to hear about Newman. I know you are a great mom to all your furkids, and sometimes things just happen that are completely out of our control. I am so sorry for your loss, Nita. Newman looks like he was a wonderful little guy and I know he has left a big hole in your heart. xox Pam

Lisa said...

Oh Nita ~ my heart is breaking for you and your loss. When I read about your true love for Newman it sounds exactly the way I feel about my precious angels.
It is a huge loss and you must give yourself some time. Do not feel guilty, do not feel stupid and do not second guess yourself. Newman *knew* he was loved with every piece of your heart and loved you back the exact same way.
It just doesn't seem fair that sometimes they are taken away from us way too soon. I do think Newman is up there with your dad and fishing and loving his new place as he waits for you someday to join them. That is what I like to think about my Shih Tzu that I lost a few years ago. I know my mom is up in heaven taking excellent care of that sweet little man.
Please don't blame Sally. Give her love as I'm sure she is sad and scared too. I'm sure your whole family is sad and scared.
Just give yourself time and allow yourself to grieve the loss of Newman. It will be an adjustment. But remember, Newman would't want you to be sad and he wouldn't want you to remember him sick and feeling pain from his loss. Newman would want you to be happy and smiling and laughing from all his antics. In time, hopefully you will.
Hugs and love to you. I'm so very sorry...

Kolein said...

I am so sorry for your loss of your sweet Newman. Please try not to be too hard on yourself. You obviously are a deeply loving person with a sweetness in your soul. Your little Newman knew that and felt that all the days of his life.

I pray you get some rest and relief. You are a dear person.


Megan said...

Oh you poor thing. I can barely write through the tears. I've joked so much about our fur creatures and how they drive me crazy but I know how devastating it will be when they are no longer with us! Your Newman was such a special fellow and I'm so sorry that you are going through this.

Know that he is running around with your dad and no longer in pain.

My mother passed suddenly at age 58. That was 8 years ago and no words anyone ever said then and now can truly help.

Time doesn't completely heal it just makes it more tolerable!

I'll be praying for you and hope your pain passes soon!


Dawn said...

Nita, I am sorry as I know this pain of loss all too well. I want you to forgive yourself and Sally. If this loss brings up old hurts that still need to be healed then you will be better for it. You are truly loved in the blogging community as detailed in the comments left for you. The pain of being is worth the growth of becoming. God loves you very much and if he can forgive you then you can learn to forgive yourself Sally and others. Newman was a lucky dog to have had a mom as loving and as precious as you. Admirably, Dawn Suitcase Vignettes. Ps. Your blogging although painful to do right now is just as important as it was before Newman's passing. You are a star blogger.

Crystal Rose Cottage said...

Oh Nita, I am so shocked to read this and my heart just aches for you. We are all crying with you and hope that time will bring you some comfort. Please know that your other weinies are there for you...keep them close to you. They want to comfort you and they are confused and need comfort too!~Patti

Julie Lischer said...

Oh Nita, I am so sorry. Newman was one special little boy and you're the most special, caring, loving momma. My heart is breaking for you. Everything I want to say sounds cliche. Just know I'm sending love your way. xoxo

Lynn said...

Wishing I could give you a hug personally while you are going through this difficult time. While I know you want him with you, just think of him playing on the Rainbow Bridge (free from pain) and watching out for you and the others. Don't give up. Your little family needs you and we readers need you as well. We are here for you when you are ready to return.

Krista said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I admittedly am not a dog lover myself but reading your post brought me to tears.
Your blog brings joy to others on a regular basis, reading about your dogs is a big part of that. Your description of Newman as a real live boy has undoubtly brought comfort to others experiencing this type of loss.
In the days to come I pray that you will remember the good times with Newman. It sounds as if he was just so full of life, curiosity and adventure! May those memories begin to heal your heart and nudge you back to your own life, full of curiosity and adventure.

Anonymous said...

My absolute deepest condolences. Your post had me in tears, really reminded me of my dear cat Simba, who died much in the same sudden way. To this day I still wake up crying after I dream about him, tear up when I see his photographs.
They may be gone, but never EVER forgotten.

Angie said...

He was a 'real live boy' and very rare to have a dog that was really human. I'm trying to stop crying. But I know he was really a person, the best kind of person. He was lucky to have an owner who could see deep into his soul and read his love. All my love to you beautiful lady.

Tammy said...

I'm so sorry my dear friend. You have so many sweet condolences posted here already. I hope you are finding comfort in all of them. Wish there was a magic potion I could send your way to ease the pain. Some things we will never understand in this life. You are in my heart and prayers. (((hugs)))

Tammy said...

above comment by Tammy@beatricebanks Much love to you Nita!

My Galveston Cottage said...

I didn't know your Newman, but I cried reading this post. I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine losing my Sam so suddenly. Altho, we have lost a dog before -- but at the ripe age of 15. Please don't blame yourself. He doesn't.....take care.

BirdSong said...

We haven't met, but I share your unconditional love for our animals. I'm sitting here, crying my eyes out for you and wondering how I will get thru your pain when,one day, I will lose my sweet girls.........please take care of yourself....Sue xoxoxo

carol said...

So sorry for your loss. I once read something that helped me a little after my dog died from cancer, it was that she was now in heaven being loved by a child that was no longer on this earth, and needed a pet. Just the thought of my Roxie running and playing and being loved by a child helped just a little.
You gave him all your love, now he's telling everyone in heaven all about his mom.
Celebrate all the wonderful memories.
Praying for you to have peace.

Lana Kim White Austin said...

Oh, I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo very sorry! I know how much you loved him! My dogs have been my other children and when I've lost them I've been devastated. I still think about my Gabby, who passed unexpectedly 8 years ago, all of the time. I know your heart is breaking and I am so sad for you for that...but you know what? He was so spunky and full of life and love...he would want you to go on and live and smile again!!!! But, you do need to mourn and that's a process. You'll be in my prayers!

My Farmhouse Kitchen said...

Nita...i thought about you all day yesterday and first thing this morning when i woke up. oh...i know this pain all too well, my friend....

time will help...it just does.
newman will ALWAYS be in your heart...

you have alot of love and support and kindness and compassion here...i feel it...

i am thinking about you today and saying a prayer to help mend your broken heart...

sending love,
kary and teddy

Anonymous said...

I feel your loss.


JenBreeze said...

Nita- I am so sorry for your loss. You gave Newman an amazing life with endless love and, in return, he was your best buddy. I am so sorry that your heart now has a huge Newman-sized hole in it. Hug your pups and take comfort in their warmth and love. They need you very much and want to help you right now through this confusing time. Hugs and prayers for your healing.

Bri@Meyouandawiener said...

I'm so sorry about Newman Nita. I can only imagine how you feel. I've had to deal with loss of a beloved pet as well. They are like family and we love them just as much. All I can say is, time will make it a bit better. Sorry I can't offer much. I still think about them every now and then but instead of sadness I just remember the crazy shenanigans they got into and it makes me smile. I hope one day it will be the same for you. Don't think Newman would want to see you sad. Sending you BIG Timmy hugs.


Allison@FabRehab said...

Nita, I am so sorry about Newman. I can feel your heart hurting but I know you will get through this. Newman would want that. Dogs are so loyal and just want to please us...he would want you to move on. Not immediately, but you will feel better. hugs!

Sush said...

Nita...how hard and heart breaking it is to lose our dear, well loved fur babies. Newman was such a dear bebe and I know you are missing him. I'm thinking all your other fur babies are needing you tremendously right now...I hope they can bring you comfort. And poor Sally must be going through a lot knowing she had cross words with Newman. Please know you have hundreds of people praying for you and yours and wanting you well.

Take care and you are so missed...

A Perfect Gray said...

Nita, I am so sorry. just wish I could take away all of your feelings of guilt. grief, you will always have, but the guilt we want to take away from you. please just remember that your real live boy felt and knew how very much you loved him always...donna

Anonymous said...

Ohhhh Nita, big hugs to you! I know exactly what you are going through. You CAN get through this and beyond it to happiness again. Newman would want you to be happy again sooner than later, because he really truly loved you like you loved him. Praying for you girlie. Gracie P.

CathySchmathy said...

I have only posted once or twice before, but I have been admiring your posts about re-dos and weenies all summer. I lost my own 15+ -year-old weenie a little over a year ago, and the loss still hurts--not as much as it did at first, of course, but the hurt is real. She had been in declining health for several years, and I knew that the time to say goodbye was coming soon, but nothing can really prepare you for the actual moment. Please believe me and all of the other posters who say that the hurt will get better. You have so much on your mind right now with your friend's illness, and no matter what the circumstances of Newman's passing, you--as a loving doggy mom--would be second-guessing yourself about what you may or may not have been able to do to help him. That's just the horrible nature of any loss and the process of coming to terms with it. Hold your other babies close, love them well, let them love you, and work through the healing together. Know that many people out there in blogland will be pulling for and praying for you.
Cathy in Memphis

Anonymous said...

I write this bleary eyed with tears after reading about Newman. Please do not concentrate so much on the end as on all the good times before, and remember you have two other dogs who love you and need you. Pour all that pain into loving your other two twice as much, and as soon as you can bear it, get another as a tribute to Newman. Much love
Vena in Memphis

NanaDiana said...

Oh, Nita- I don't even know you really-just through Amy over at Maison Decor...but I read every word of your post and I sit here sobbing like a baby. I know your heartache and loss. I lost my little Misty at 9 years old and that has been 3 years ago this October. I still can't think about her without welling up with tears and an aching in my heart. I do understand!

All I can tell you is to cry, cry, cry because there is a freedom that comes with tears and a lifting of oppression that comes when we talk about it and sort things out.

You know now that he is beyond all pain, that he will never have to suffer with his back again..and that God must have wanted a sweet baby boy for your Dad.

Do you know about the Rainbow Bridge? Maybe one of the earlier commenters told you about it. I didn't read the other comments because of time. It is a wonderful place to visit. Here is the link...http://rainbowbridge.com/

Grieve, but don't be sad for long because Newman would not want you to suffer for him...wouldn't want you to long for him so much that you can't function. And, please forgive Sally...she didn't know...and she needs you now that her friend is gone.

God bless you, Nita! I am saying a prayer for you to find peace and a way to deal with this loss. xo Diana

Mary Ann said...

I, too, meant to tell you about the rainbow bridge. Visit there if you haven't. I know my furbabies will be waiting for me at the Rainbow Bridge and Newman will be waiting for you.

The Visual Vamp said...

Nita, I will email you privately. Hang in there. You are a wonderful person, and a wonderful "mom" to your weenies. You are loved. xo xo

Unknown said...

Nita, I am soooo sorry for your loss! I know what it is to lose a son, for I lost my Alex 4 months ago. The pain in my heart is just as fresh, but it helps to think of all the good time I had with him and not that awful day!
You did all that you could. Please, please don't blame yourself! Good mom's are like this though.
This is my first time at your blog vie a friend. Be strong and give your other babys', including your little girl, some extra love. Tak care. Hugs! Loretta

Cindy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cindy said...

Oh dear Nita,
I am SO sorry, please know that my heart is breaking for you...but please go easy on yourself, be kind to Nita. You did not do this, people and pets do not live forever and we will never forget the ones that we loved SO very much.
I have missed your posts and have wondered about you, hoping that you had taken a holiday perhaps.
I will be praying for you, sweet friend.
Love and hugs, Cindy

Anonymous said...

I have no idea what to say because all I want to do is jump through the computer screen and hug you and let you cry as long as you need to.

Sonia said...

So sorry about your sweet boy. I know when we lost our previous pet it was the hardest..but our heart healed...it just takes time...we have two new sweet fur babies and I know when they go to doggie heaven it will be hard. Thinking of you and hoping you will find comfort!

Miss Bloomers

Erin said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your poor Newman. This post made me cry and I now want to go hug my dog (I just yelled out for whining at the dinner table.) I wish you luck in whatever you decide to do, but I sure will miss reading your post if you decide to stop posting. *hugs*

Ellise @ Charles Whyte said...

Nita, your story has captured me. Even though I am not a dog person, I understand and appreciate the bond that exists between people and their doggies. Shocking losses like yours seem very similar to losing a human loved one and your story with its rollercoaster of emotions reminds me of losing my own dad. My suggestion, and only since you asked, is to allow yourself to grieve, do what you need to do and don't think or feel that you need to be acting or doing anything a certain way. My heart goes out to you Nita xx

Twinkle Terrior said...

Nita, tears fell on my keyboard reading about you and Newman. What a wonderful and special dog and sweet pup! Our furry babies ARE our hearts! So when they are not with us on earth - it does feel like our hearts stopped beating completely.
Please do not blame yourself or even Sally. Trauma can cause an existing condition to surface in pets and people.
Healing and coming to grips with what happened is different for everyone. Some folks need more time than others so heal in your own time. But one thing that helped us was after loosing one of our pups was a memory and picture book we made after our extreme grief passed & thinking of happy times through that book.
AND ....... i do believe that your beloved Dad is watching our for Newnan - his "grandpup" in Heaven & both are sending love.
Just know that all your blog friends and followers are praying for you and the whole family. You're in our hearts and thoughts and prayers, Sending you much love Christina Zima

Renee said...

Just catching up on my blog reading as our power has been out because of the hurricane. I am so very sorry to hear about your pup. I know it's hard. I cried for days when my dogs passed, but you do get through it. Of course, you'll never forget, but every day will get easier...I promise. Hugs to you.

KC Sheperd said...

Nita, I know how strong the love for those sweet babes can be & my heart is heavy for you, but know that Newman is with your dad, and you'll see him again. In the meanwhile neither of those fellas would want you to dwell on their deaths, but celebrate their lives. Try to focus on that & the fact that you have all these amazing people that are offerin you words of comfort & truly care about you! Call me if you need me!

skooter8 said...

Nita, my heart breaks for you. I have loved reading your posts about the dogs and they have reminded me of my guys. I lost my Zoe last summer (she was my first dog ever) and I also brought her home and buried her in the yard and planted a cherry tree over her spot. I bought an engraved rock to place there and the tree bloomed this year and was so full of cherries, which wasn't supposed to happen this soon, I knew it was her saying hi and telling us she is happy. I know we have never met but I a thinking of you and sending a HUG.

Celebrating Moments by Marcie said...

HUGS Nita, it is soooo heartbreaking. They are def our family. Praying peace and comfort for your heart and it won't always hurt this bad. xoxox

Anonymous said...

Oh, Nita, I am so sorry! I have read your posts about your dogs to my grandchildren and we have had many laughs about Neuman's escapades. Thank you for sharing them with us and letting us love them too. You are a gifted writer and I have thought about writing before and asking if you ever considered writing children's books. There is a bright future ahead for you even if it doesn't seem very bright right now, Hold on. When God closes a door, He always opens a window.

Betty said...

Nita, I am so so sorry about your sweet boy Newman. It's okay that you take some time to get over such an unexpected shock. Don't beat yourself up, you are a wonderful dog mom and Newman knew that and loved you and knew that you were doing your best to care for him. Newman would want you to stay strong and take care of yourself and his siblings and be happy. It's all very overwhelming right now, but in time I'm sure you will cherish all the wonderful photos and memories of the times you had with Newman. Blessings,

Nita Stacy said...

I will try to write each and every one of you back soon. I have been checking my comments throughout the day today and believe me...it has helped so much to hear your own stories. Thank you so much all of you for trying to console me. Right now...I'm pretending he is alive in the backyard. I use to count each one when they came in and tonight....I counted one, two, three and just felt so much pain....so I told them we won't do that. It's one as I pointed to out to his grave, two, three, four...we are all still together.

I just can't give him up as of yet. One day I hope I can smile as I plant flowers on his grave...but right now to watch Harvey sniff the silk flowers stuck in the dirt hurts so much. My house is soooo quiet.

It did help to read comments that told me they did understand that he was not just a dog...he was my boy. I'm really going to try to blog soon....I don't feel like it but I miss the happy activity of blogging.

I would really like to be distracted now by fun...but right now there are hard times in my family with my cousin being so ill and my sister is ill too.

I just want you all to know till I post again...how much your support means to me. It truly has helped. I feel less alone.

Heidi said...

I am so very sorry for the loss of your dear, dear doggie. Know that you are receiving love from all over the place. Also please do not hate yourself for this. You need to love yourself the way he loved you - unconditionally, wholly, completely, without guile or reservation. I think that we try to bargain a way to get our loved ones back when we are grieving. "If I had only done this..." "If I had thought about that..." The truth as I know it is that we do not have control over these things. We just have a responsibility to act as best as we can and to practice love and compassion to everyone, especially ourselves. Wishing you lightness.

Unknown said...

I came over from Suzanne's blog ( Colorado Lady) and I am so sorry for the loss of your special boy...but I truly believe in the Rainbow Bridge, and he ran to meet your Dad on the other side, and he will be waiting for you also....he is healthy and whole. PLEASE do not beat yourself up about this! He knew you loved all of his life and he still knows you love him! Sandy

Kaileigh said...

I am so sorry for your loss, please know that your sweet dog always felt your love, it is so clear that he had a wonderful home with you...NONE of this is your fault, you were obviously attentive and always cared for your sweet doxie.

I'm sending good thoughts and prayers your way...

From a fellow doxie lover.

Anonymous said...

Just found your blog, and read your entire story. I love my animals like you do, they are family, if not more.
I'm so sorry for your loss of Newman
Newman loved you, you gave him a wonderful life full of love. You will see Newman again some day, he has crossed over to the Rainbow Bridge and will be waiting for you, rest assured that now he is with the others who have passed over. He is running and playing and loving you for loving him
Cheryl <3

glamoursmith@gmail.com said...


I am so sorry to hear about Newman, and if he could have talked, you would have been better able to care for him. but you and he spoke a different languages, and you cannot blame yourself for not understanding all that he might have been trying to tell you. I hope you take from your time with him, just how lucky you were to have each other. While no one can replace Newman, you still have Violet, Harvey and Sally. They each love you in their own doggy way, and need you.

Laurie said...

Dear Nita,

I hardly know what to say...I'm so sorry to read about your sad news. You are a good doggie mom and I hope you feel better in the days ahead. I love your blog and would be sad to see you not post anymore. You have such talent. Take your time, take care of yourself. We'll be waiting for you.

Anonymous said...

Although we all say we know how you feel and how badly it hurts we cannot truly understnd the depth of your pain. I am sure for you right now it is as much a physical pain as an emotional pain. It will get better and if your precious Newman could speak to you he would not want to see you so sad.Keep writing about him for yourself in a private journal it reallynis theraputic. Blessings

Robin Kent said...

Please accept my sympathy for your loss.I am a cyber friend of Cindi's and had to come back to leave a comment.
When the time is right, please check out these sites. I think you could be comforted by how these folks have dealt with their love and loss of dogs.

Do you know of Stephen Huneck's Dog Chapel at the Gallery at Dog Mountain? He was a Vermont folk artist (like me). There are many google sites for him, his is such a sad story with a hopeful resolve, I think you'd get some comfort reading this one first:


The other site I think you might be interested in is
Rolling Dog Ranch. They handle loss and animal diabilities with humour and grace. I love how he writes.


I hope these suggestions help you cope with such an intimate, tragic loss. Please know there are other unwilling members in the same club. Sending healing thoughts your way-

Pamela Terry and Edward said...

My heart just breaks for you. Anyone who has been through the loss of a beloved dog knows there's nothing harder in the world. You will be in my prayers tonight, and many nights after. Love.

Cindy at Some Really Neat Stuff said...

I cryed through your post because your pain is so evident. I'm so sorry for you and will be praying for you. Thank you for sharing this story with us. Don't be so hard on yourself. If you had taken him to the doctor sooner, the doctor would have probably done the same things and the same outcome would have happened. This way you got to have him at home with you for those last couple of days. I think he probably preferred being with you anyway.

STaci said...

Nita, I read about Newman on oloradolady's blog. My heart is breaking for you. We never feel we did the best we could when someone leaves us.

Be gentle with yourself. Let yourself mourn. One day your memories of your little boy will bring laughter and happiness without tears.

It doesn't sound like he could have had a more loving mom. You, Newman and his pack mates are in my thoughts.

Twinkle Terrior said...

Nita, I posted on Donna Ms FJI wall again today about you and Newman. We've been praying for you at our house for a couple days and this morning one of the little ones said "how is Ms Nita?". The post above by Staci is so TRUE! Just know that you have love, thoughts and prayers going your way. Even though it doesnt seem to lift sadness as quickly as we would hope.........the love is going your way oxoxox

Aquascape Your Landscape said...

So, so very sorry for your loss. I had to bury 2 cats this year and it wasn't easy. Time helps to heal wounds ... but you never forget. You gave Newman a wonderful and blessed life. ((Hug))

Emily said...

This is the first time I have ever commented here before. I am so sick for your loss and reading this was absolutely heart wrenching. I have never raised a dog from a puppy but I imagine it must be just like raising a child. My family dog was killed by a coyote in our backyard six years ago after she had been left out for the night by accident. We will never forgive ourselves for that, and as you know, those are the kinds of things you can't help but think about after the fact....all the things you could have done differently. My mother and I found the evidence the next morning and just stood in our yard screaming and crying, hysterical...the neighbors must have thought we were crazy. There are no words to describe the loss of a pet, but what you have written here comes pretty darn close. I hope you are able to heal from this as much as possible and continue on with your other three babies...they will need you now more than ever as they try to make sense of the loss of their brother. Sending positive vibes and good thoughts your way in this time of sorrow.

Adam Hazlett said...

I feel as though I'VE just lost the most wonderful dachshund anyone could ever have. Your tribute to Newman is the kindest and most touching post I've ever read. Here I am at work
eyes watering, lump in my throat...God, I feel so sorry for you. I've been out of town recently and super busy at work upon my return that I haven't had a chance to vist blogland. You're the first blog in my favorites bar and at break today I figured I get some lighthearted blog reading in... My heart broke when I started to read your post. Nothing I can say can take away the loss of someone so dear, only time.

Four years ago, I dug my pet cat's grave in the backyard and let me tell you, it was no small feat to dig in Vegas soil...I could only manage to get 4 feet deep in two days. I would find myself checking the box to see if my cat might just be faking it. I now take comfort knowing she is back there in her favorite shady spot. It is a lonely feeling, and my Mom would say to write a poem to show how much you cared for your pet. Your post is so heartfelt and warm that you've actually touched many hearts, who all feel for you, and consider you a friend we just haven't met yet.

With deepest sympathy,
your friend,

Curtains in My Tree said...

I can't read all of your post because i'm crying already.

I can relate to your lost OMG it's awful I know

I lost my little sweet Sissy my pug in april and I can't stop crying over her , I miss her so much
my doctor, she said i need another pet , but told her i cried more over sissy than when I husband died and i'm not saying that to put down my husband. my doctor said you are not the first lady to tell me that .
Our pets are our loves, cudlers, someone who is never upset with us

may comfort come to you soon

Janice & Sissy's memrory

Richard Cottrell said...

I love you and I am so sad and sorry you lost your dog, I had to put mine down a year ago and I still cry. I have a new wonderful baby now and I hope she out lives me.Richard from My Old Historic House.

Mary MG said...

Rituals. Rituals will help. Talk to Newman. Take him for walks. Dream about him at night. Write poems to him. Sing songs to him. Include him in your daily life. He's always with you that way, and you'll never forget him. Ever. He was your pet,and you were his human. And he loved you just as much as you loved him. That kind of energy doesn't go away when someone dies, it just changes. Take your time to heal.

The French Hutch said...

I've never visited before, but after reading your story I have to say how sorry I am for your loss. No words will make any difference, you'll just know so many are so sorry and hope your better soon. Thoughts and prayers for you. Take care........

The French Hutch

Amy said...

Time will heal your heart. Newman was a wonderful boy for sure and although it was not in your plan to have Newman taken away already ....you can be sure it was God's plan. What if our greatest disappointments our God's mercies in disguise....from the song 'Blessings' by Laura Story. Love, ~amy

Angela said...

This is such a heart-breaking post and I'm so sad for you. I am also a pet-lover and our family poodle died in my mom's arms. My parents buried her in the backyard, too. They vowed never to have another pet because their hearts were so broken over losing the last one. Our hearts must go on - no other will replace those little sweetie pies - I'm so sorry for your loss and will pray for comfort and healing. God bless

Angela said...

Dear Nita,
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Newman was sounds like one very special boy. I pray you will find comfort in today's daily devotional today at Joni Eareckson Tada.
I am not sure if you are familiar with Joni, but she is an evangelical christian author, a very wonderful lady. I really think you would find comfort in knowing her story and her books. I remember reading in one of her books (I think on heaven) about seeing our animals in heaven.
I hope this will be a comfort to you.

Anonymous said...

Oh my God, Nita, I have been out of town and just read this post. I wish I could be there to hug you and not let go. But heavens, woman, I want to hit you over the head with a baseball bat until you stop being upset at yourself - God does everything for a reason, and this was meant to be - painful YES, but meant to be nonetheless, and you are not to blame. This is heartbreaking enough without guilt. I just adore you, and refuse to let you do that. :(

One last thing - you mentioned Halloween, which you and I bonded over for sure - and I want you to know that I became obsessed with Halloween props after Jayson and I lost a baby boy several years ago. I refused to talk about it or even think about it, but used prop building to get through it. Find something to help you over the horrible tide of grief - I hope you can.

Know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers constantly, for both you and your family, your cousin. Just have faith, love, stay strong (or at least upright). Much, much love to you, -Dawn

Anonymous said...

PS. That talk of not blaming yourself was NOT me just blowing smoke at you... I did the same thing to myself, counted all the things I could have done differently that would have saved his life - but really, it wouldnt have. And nothing I thought or said or felt guilty about changed anything any way. Then someone convinced me that God planned it that way, and at some point, I believed it. You might have saved Newman a lot of pain in and out of tests and/or procedures at the vet that wouldnt have changed anything. You just never know. Everything happens for a reason. Please, just don't blame yourself, just miss him, and love him, and heal with time. Oh, I just wish I could hug you right now. :(

Favourite Vintage Finds said...

I'm very sorry for your loss Nita. As an animal lover I understand your sadness. Paws of the Heart is a lovely site, there is lots of good info there about dealing with pet loss.


Sending hugs.

BKWilliams said...

Nita, This was such a beautiful post. I know Newman was not just a pet, he was a member of your family. We have a cat cemetery in our back yard and each little grave is marked with a cat statue. The statues all have wings on the cat figure and the name and dates on them. Everytime I go to the back yard I stop and tell them how much I love them and miss them. That might sound goofy to some, but it makes me feel better. I took a long time for me to be able to do that. It will take a long time for you to get use to Newman being out there, but when you do you will be thankful that he is still close. We talk about our cats and all the funny things they did. It is those memories that will be so special to you. Hugs.

Noble Vintage said...

Nita, I am so so sorry. My heart just breaks for you.

My Farmhouse Kitchen said...

... i was thinking about you today....and wondering how you are.....

sending love and best wishes for a comforted heart...

kary and teddy

Anonymous said...

I just found your blog while reading another, Newman's face just captured my attention. I am so sorry and my heart goes out to you as only a dog parent who has ever lost a furry best friend can to another. You are not alone, there are many of us out here who know exactly what you are going through and honestly you never "get over it" but it does get a bit easier. In the beginning I was filled with anger at the world because it kept spinning when mine had come to a complete stand still, now, I still cry and wish I could kiss my Bear in that special place above his nose between his eyes. To this day I can still smell that sweet furry scent and feel his soft fur but it's in the disguise of a former homeless and probably abused black and white Pointer named Ellie, a little sister that never got to meet her big brother. But I'm sure he had something to do with her coming into our lives. :)

Please don't blame Sally, as one of the comments said, she's scared and sad. Dogs will do what they do, we will never completely understand their world. She does not know what your anger towards her is about, remember, they don't think like we do, she has already moved on. Don't ignore her or send anger her way when you're around her. Take a page from the book of the world of dogs, forgive her and give her a big hug, because that's what she would do for you.

Gone said...

Hi Nita...

I read your post about Newman the day you posted it...but just didn't (no, couldn't) leave a message at the time. My heart was breaking for what you were going through in the loss of your beloved Newman. I can't imagine what it must be like to lose a pup.

My hubby and I have 3 pups - 3, 2 & 1 year olds - Maltese (m), Havanese (m) and Toy Poodle (f).

What I did do was make a mental note of all the information you shared as to what had happened to Newman and all that your Vet had to say. I always pay attention to information that could possibly, one day be of help to one of my dogs or the dog of a friend.

Tonite, a Facebook friend posted that her mini-dachshund was having troubles breathing after hitting herself on the dash of their vehicle, when dad had to slam on the breaks on Thursday night. She just wants to sit with her mom and dad...and my friend wondered if she could have had some injuries from the "accident". I immediately thought of Newman and raced to your blog for the shortcut to your post. I just sent it to her and posted it on her FB page.

You AND Newman could potentially save another pup's life with the info in your post. Just wanted to let you know.

~Blessings to you...

. said...

OH Nita!! I've fallen behind on my blog reading and was playing catch up this evening when I came across your post. I am SO sorry to read about Newman!!

My heart just breaks for you my dear!!! As a devoted fur mommy myself, I know how our animals are in every way, shape and form, part of our lives and family. And we have to grieve their loss just like we would any family member.

Please don't beat yourself up! Everything always seems clearer in hindsight...but beating yourself up over all the "what-ifs" won't change a thing or help. Lean on your other dogs, who are also grieving and need you right now. Maybe you can all provide some comfort to each other to get through this!!

I will share a thought I had about the fight...since Sally isn't normally aggressive, I wonder if she sensed something was already wrong with Newman? Sometimes animals will act out aggressively like that when they sense a "weakness". My older cat has turned on his younger brother when he was sick before...like he was "diseased", when normally they get along fine. I thought it was so odd that an animal that loves the other so much would turn on him like that, but I guess that is part of their nature. I'm sure that doesn't help any...but if you are like me, you are reliving those days over and over right now and maybe that's another perspective into the fight.

I'm sending HUGS your way Nita!!!


Melody Thomas-Morgan said...

I am sorry to hear about this time of loss and sadness for you. Maybe you feel like you are drowning too. I wish you the best. The capacity of feeling sorrow and grief will equal your capacity to feel the joy and happiness. Thank you for your blog. I always look forward to reading it!

Natasha in Oz said...

Please forgive me for posting this so late. I am so sorry to read this and to hear the pain and sadness in your "voice". I am truly sorry and wish I could fly on over right now and comfort you. I hope my virtual hugs will suffice.

Take care.


Ann said...

Nita, I know this is late, but I just read about your loss. We had two dogs that my daughter took to live with her when she moved out. I loved them both dearly, but knew she needed them with her as she was single. I felt great comfort because they were with her. I was so lonely without them that we adopted another dog ten months later. She lost one of the two dogs to cancer 4 years ago, three days before my daughters birthday. She was so sad, but the other dog was still there to bring her joy. They spent all her spare time together. Almost exactly a year later, and nine days before Christmas she lost the second dog. This dog went from 93lbs to 44lbs in the year after the first dog died and the vet could not find a thing wrong with her. She simply withered away. My daughter did not think she could ever stand to get another dog, the heartbreak was too great. After about5 months ,I convinced her to go to a pet adoption fair and just look. She just wasn't sure she could do it, but went and held all the cute puppies and nothing. There was one dog in the corner that was 5 months old that had been adopted twice and returned twice. She picked her up and the dog didn't want to get down. She need up taking her and found out that this dog was born a few days after her second dog died. This dog is now two and is almost certainly the reincarnation of that second dog. She does so many things the same and has the very same personality. No wonder she was returned twice after being adopted, she was meant to be with my daughter!
I pray that you will once again find the joy that Newman brought you. We never know what God is planning, but you should always know he has a plan

Sassy said...

I am so very sorry reading this.....we lost our boy a year ago this month and our heart still mourns him.......hugs to you.....

Anonymous said...

I have no idea how I found this blog, but I am now sitting here with tears on my face. I am so sorry you lost your boy, they truly are angels on earth. Be well.

Anonymous said...

I stumbled onto your blog and I am enjoying it so much. I have two weenie dogs, brother and sister...but my heart belongs to my weenie, Frank (the tank) who died last October at age 10. I got these two weenies to fill the gap, but as you know, it takes time. We lost a job, our house, FRANK, and just two months ago my dad. I can relate to you in every way. Im sorry. It hurts. We must go on.

Patricia Cowan-Wilson said...

I came across this post tonight... I am often alone with my two kitty fur babies(my husband works out of town a lot).I see it has been two years since your Newman passed on... I love the word picture of him with your father... I hope you are holding this picture in your heart next to your memories of him... Life will never be the same but it can still be beautiful... I know this because I lost my 43-year-old son to cancer May 22nd this year. Who knew that so far down the road, Newman would still bring tears to the eyes of a stranger and love would be sent to all, especially you, who have been touched by Newman... Take care... You are loved... Patricia Ann