After thought and a little time...
Much sooner than I thought.
You cannot imagine how much all your kind words helped.
I cried a lot the first night.
I have to say...I was not crying for Shannon.
She is having a great Christmas with her Dad today.
She no longer has pain.
No one can hurt her.
She was so easily hurt by other's words.
Not that people wanted to hurt her...but
her sister was awful to her for no reason.
She could say things that just hurt her straight to her soul.
I tried to tell her that she was so much the better person than her sister.
That she was such the greater person and not to care what her sister said or thought.
But she was always, always hurt by her.
A sister who only caused her grief....a sister that only came to see her
three times while she was ill this last year...and only stayed a few minutes and in
those minutes always said something that made everything worse.
She would yell at her on the phone that she was going to die.
I would rush over to pick up the pieces to assure her that she was not going to.
That she was good and so many loved her.
Which they did.
I would say that now her sister will have to live the rest of her life knowing what
she did to her.
But those kind of people never realize the pain they've caused.
Now...on to this Christmas....I cried
the other night thinking that I had no one in my life to share pretty things with.
Shannon always had time for me to rattle on about my favorite Christmas movie
or what thing I wanted to make.
We used to love to go shopping together.
Not for big things but for little things that made us happy.
I so regret all the times I was too busy with work to go have fun with her.
I'd give anything to have that time back.
Then when I did have time...she was too ill to go.
And we only had promises of when we'd go again.
Never to happen.
But today after reading so many thoughtful comments from those I know
through the blog and those who tell me they've read
for years and just now are commenting on how much they enjoy my blog and to encourage me.
I realize I do have someone to share the little things with.
All of you.
You care...about my little ideas...my plans that sometimes don't come to be and
those that sometimes do get accomplished.
I worked yesterday at Pier 1 till close.
I had looked forward to it earlier in the week, thinking everyone would be in a good mood.
I have to say I dreaded it when I got ready yesterday.
But I put on a new red scarf and went in.
One of the girl's had brought cream cheese with pepper jelly to share with all.
That was so nice.
Shannon and I were to have that for Christmas Eve so I thought of her as I ate it.
I thanked Lee for bringing it but she'll never know how much it really meant to me.
That I took a bite for Shannon each time I ate.
I thought the shoppers would be fun to work with.
I was wrong...most were desperate.
The amateurs were definitely out.
I did have a new customer that came in that I had only met last week.
She and her husband had just moved to OKC and were furnishing a new place.
She came in and bought some flowers on clearance that I loved yesterday.
Only I loved them in the store, everyone else thought them ugly.
But she loved them. We immediately had hit it off because we both like the same things.
There were a few that came in looking for last minute stocking stuffers.
Some a gift for a sudden house guest.
But then there were the men that came in who obviously didn't want to put
any thought into a gift for their wife or girlfriend.
They just wanted to buy anything and be done with it.
They'd put it off till the last minute and were put out that they had to do it at all.
They'd only come in Pier 1 because they'd seen the mall parking lot was so awfully full and
our's by comparison was practically empty.
One guy came in asking for measuring spoons in such a hateful way.
I asked what colors were in her kitchen.
He said he hadn't noticed...she'd just said get her measuring spoons.
She was his girlfriend.
I tried to direct him to the nicest ones.
He bought the cheapest and gaudiest.
If a measuring spoon can be gaudy...yes...they can.
I said to him..."You make me glad I don't have a husband."
Lee gasped and then laughed.
After he left she said she couldn't believe I'd said that.
But all those men made me glad I don't have anyone like that who went out at the very last
possible moment to buy just anything. And was mad about it.
Amazing how some men can be middle aged and still not get the
true meaning of Christmas like Charlie Brown learned so easily and
has taught us all for years and years.
After I got off work...I went to my friend Deidra's to help her move something
into her house. She is moving back to the neighborhood.
I then rushed to Walmart to pick up a frozen pizza for me in case I got snowed in today
and to get some special canned food for the dogs.
It was a mad house there.
I noticed police cars in the parking lot just outside the main doors.
Not lights flashing but police standing around by the doors.
I went in it and as I grabbed a cart a man yelled in my ear...
"You have ten minutes to close."
"Ten minutes to get your stuff"
That was all I needed.
I grabbed the few things I needed and was in line by three minutes to 8.
I know this because they were announcing overhead the minutes to 8.
If we were not in line by 8 we could not check out.
People were running all over the store.
I have to say it was the lowest of society.
I vowed to never ever do this again.
I was in line with crack whores and tweakers...criminals and would be criminals.
I held a place in line for a mother who was frantically trying to find
a gift for her four year old.
She kept saying..."I told my boyfriend we have to have something. I been tellin my son that he
must be good or Santa won't come."
She said he'd been good...so she had to find him something.
She didn't seem to have any joy in doing this.
She brought up several things and then would run back to try to find something different.
Each time she asked my opinion.
Oh...I wished I'd had enough money to just buy that kid a bunch of nice things
and send home with her.
She decided finally on a set of legos and a small monster truck.
I finally checked out about 8:15 and as I left the check out area
I was stopped and asked if they could see my receipt.
This is the first time this has happened, ever.
I said..."Oh Lord."
Just cause I was surprised.
I couldn't find my receipt...I'd stuck it in my purse.
The person checking said, "I'm sorry...we have to check everyone."
I will never go in Walmart last minute on Christmas Eve...ever again.
It was pure chaos.
It was like shopping at a high security prison.
A girl that worked there was gathering up returns and saying...
"This is hell"
Straight out loud and I can't say I blamed her.
I told her I felt her pain..that I knew she'd be there for several more hours as I'd done it myself
last year at Target.
(this is why these stores should close at a decent time...it is so unfair to those working)
So it was utter chaos....like shopping in a security prison where the inmates are revolting.
Last time I'd seen that much chaos was at Byron's liquor store at closing time down on 23rd street.
And I'll never ever never do that again either.
People pounding on the doors to be let in for one last bottle.
I came home and called Shannon's husband and checked on him.
He said he was exhausted.
He'd had people over all day checking on him.
He called me just before he went to bed and asked if it was normal that he
was scared to be in the house alone.
Yes, I told him...totally normal.
It will take awhile but you will get used to it.
Right now I should be on my way to my other friend Shannon's house.
This is where I always go for Christmas.
But I wanted to just say how much you all mean to me.
Foolish as I am, I am already thinking...next year...next year.
Next year will be a nice Christmas.
I'll make this...
Isn't that precious!
The only thing I have that I can absolutely count on is making pretty things.
Trying to make my life a pretty one.
That can't be taken away from me.
So I will keep doing that and sharing.
I probably will be posting sporadically later in the week as I will be with my Mom.
Thanks for being there for me.
I hope you are having a Lovely Christmas.
I have to say I am lucky to have my Mom, sister and brother in law and my other family...
Peggy, Shannon, Haley and Heather...Jill too.
Shannon's Jeff too.
My Aunt Jane who I spoke with last night.
I will count my blessings.