Thursday, June 9, 2011

Million Dollar Decorators

I'm Hooked
Last week I was anxious for the premier of 
Million Dollar Decorators on

The premiere didn't thrill me but I have enough experience with Bravo Reality TV to know
that often the premiere is lackluster and then soon I can't live without my weekly dose of 
whatever the show is.

Let's just talk about the decorators pictured above.

1. Mary McDonald
I expected to like her a lot and I don't. 
She was asked to decorate a client's guest house to prepare it for sale and asked to keep the design minimal. 
She refused but said she would keep costs in mind.
Originally, she was given a $100,000 budget but client called and asked her to keep it to $50,000 since 
they are selling the home. Mary got all snippy and said..."Well, I can't do it for that. 
You should just do it yourself with catalogs if that is what you want to spend!" 
This scared the client and she agreed to let Mary go right ahead with her plans 
but please keep budget in mind and hold costs down.
Mary didn't. She bought tons of ridiculously expensive safari looking junk. 
She painted the walls chocolate brown and hung antlers everywhere. 
If this was suppose to be a man cave...well it was a nice man cave.
The client was thrilled when she saw it and said, "And we can use all this stuff again!"
They will never use that stuff again.
She frightens me and I know she frightened the mover when it was revealed that a mirror had broken in transit. 
I think her face cracked it. She does remind me of the Evil Queen in Snow White. 
Perhaps this was her magic mirror and even it didn't want to work for her any more.

2. Jeffry Alan Marks
I like him only slightly better than Mary. I do love his green shoes. 
In this episode he is wrapping up a house design that has been three years in the making. 
I assume he was in charge of building the house too. 
Three years and the bed is still not ready on time. 
And he orders the world's smallest sink. 
When the client's daughter questions it, he has it redone to be the world's second smallest sink. 
Really....I think it was about an inch bigger and cost an additional $15,000. 
When asked about it...he said..."Rich people don't need big sinks because their hands don't get dirty."
Here he says, "I think I have a harder job than the President of the United States!" 
See why I don't like him....oh but I want to watch him.
This is the main reason why I want to watch Jeffry Alan Marks - his boyfriend and assistant, Ross. 
I want to live in Ross's hair.
It's so shiny and blonde and floppy. These photos do not do it justice...I'm entranced by it.
Now...Ross is snide and snippy and has a strange accent that I cannot place. 
I feel strongly that he is a person that has recreated himself. 
I suspect that Jeffry found him on the streets of LA shortly after he got off the bus from the Appalachian Mountains. 
I think he grew up a hillbilly....came to LA... 
worked the streets for awhile and then recreated himself as this upscale boytoy. 
I don't care I just want to watch him flip his hair.
This episode, Jeffry shoves Ross in the pool after they've completed the job. 
I want to jump in after him.
Yes, I know he's gay but I want to touch his hair.

3. Nathan Turner
Nathan is what we would all hope for in a decorator. He's nice...calming...reassuring and talented.
I am a little confused  - in this episode they rip out what looks to be antique tile because of some
construction problems and replace it with antique tile from Spain that costs like $50,000.
It looks very much like what they just ripped out. 
Nathan sketches out the plans for his client's roof top deck over coffee with her.
I wonder if this is to scale? Doesn't matter, she approves and they start shopping.
They do the deck in Bohemian Moroccan. I'm very tired of Moroccan anything.
But the space turns out very nice and very much fitting the style of the house.
Looks like Nathan actually works unlike Queen Mary....she sat around ordering everyone else 
to do everything and was hateful when the movers stopped to eat lunch. 

4. Kathryn Ireland
Last week I was most disappointed by Kathryn Ireland. She was nothing like I pictured her.
She was down to earth, bawdy, rough around the edges and whacky.
This was not what I thought she'd be from seeing all the lovely rooms she's done over the years.
But this week I've decided I love her because she is
down to earth, bawdy, rough around the edges and whacky.
She buys her bras at a Flea Market. I have to really does look like she wears flea market bras.
She and Martyn have been great friends for at least 10 years according to Martyn. 
They do seem like they have fun together.
This is Kathryn's housekeeper, Jacqueline. She is the best character on the show. 
She is french and you can only understand about every fifth word out of her mouth.
I'm sure she drinks in her room...well...she probably drinks all over the house.
I love does Martyn.

5. Martyn Lawrence Bullard
Last week he was my least favorite. He came off so pretentious sporting that odd fake accent of his. 
And I'm distracted by that 5 o'clock shadow that seems to darken as the camera rolls. 
He must have the fastest growing beard ever and I'm pretty sure he wears eye shadow.
But this week we saw another side of him.
He's addicted to chocolate and downed a whole box while listening to his assistant review the days work schedule.
He went to a hypnotist about it and now chocolate tastes like anchovies to him and he is repulsed by it. 
(which is very sad)
He was nice to the dog too so that made me like him more.
and he met Kathryn for lunch at Villa Blanca.
I like it any time Bravo gives us glimpses of Lisa Vanderpump's restaurant.
It is so pretty.
Anyway...Kathryn seems to really like Martyn and so do I. 
I'd love to drink wine with these two while running my hands through Ross's hair.
Kathryn and Ross

I cannot wait for next week. It seemed to me that there was a lot more decorating in this one
 but maybe I am so invested in the characters already that I don't mind them not decorating.

Are you watching? What do you think of the show?


Visual Vamp said...

I LOVE this show!
And I love your recap!!!
I'll buy you a Ross wig if you likeee.
xo xo

Renee @ where the grass is greener said...

You are too funny! I want to watch that show, but my opinions are now a bit skewed. However, I probably would be thinking the same things you are thinking about each person...And I've got to see Ross's hair.

Sixty-Fifth Avenue said...

What an awesome recap! I have not watched it but I think I will now. You crack me up! Thanks for the paint encouragement!


Deserae said... must have been in my head when you wrote this cause it's ECACTLY what I was thinking! And yes, I'm totally addicted to this sad! LOL
~Des said...

Could you hear me laughing from half way across the country?? You are so spot on! And I, too, am in love with that HAIR. He is South African, and his accent and way about him are VERY South African -- my husband's father's family is from there, and believe me, Ross's way is genuine. Mary Macdonald is a COMPLETE disappointment as they show her, but I do love her style nonetheless. Kathryn Ireland had me at the first showing, she is simply a scream, and Jaquiline, I agree, is the best character on the show -- want to see more of her. This is a great summary, Nita, written in that way you have that I love :) said...

I love this show! Martyn made me laugh so hard when he was eating that chocolate, and downed the whole box. I liked Mary. I thought she was funny. I just think that she didn't want her name associated with something she didn't give a 100% on. I wish I could decorate with the kind of money they work with. If I had a budget of $500.00 I would be happy. I love BRAVO.

Gayle from Vintage Farmhouse said...

I also love this show. Katherine Ireland has been a favorite of mine for years. I think a couple of them take design way to serious and that's what makes this show fun!

Natasha said...

This show isn't on over here but I am going to have to look out for it! It looks fabulous. I love your review too...that hair does look divine!

Best wishes,

Anonymous said...

Oh, Nita, your recap of the show gave me the best laugh I've had in a long time! :) I have got to watch this show now! Thanks for the laugh! Jana in Texas

Karen said...

I'm still on the fence on this show, is it a decorating show or a reality show following self important obnoxius designers? I guess its kind of a hybrid of the two. Your summary is so great I loved it much more than the show LOL. All that being said I'll try again next week.

D.B. said...

Your post has put this show in perspective for me, thank you. I mean - BRAVO? What did I expect!???? My take was the same as yours only I was so nauseated by the first show I didn't watch last night's episode. Maybe I'll tune in next week. My favorite character is Mary Mc's pug dogs! BIG KISS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The enchanted home said...

Great synopsis. Ditto on Mary..she is totally full of herself and always has a sour puss look on her face..Mary get over yourself. She is talented but i like nice and talented people not just talented people:)
Holding a close 2nd place would be Martyn, way too prissy for my liking. He too really needs to get over himself and your posting on him was hysterical!
Like you Kathy Ireland thus far (have only seen one of the two episdoes) is my fave, she is not at all what I expected but seems the most down to earth, real, unpretentious and approachable.
I sure hope they can start doing a better job to help us like them, so far makes me very happy I can't afford their services!

oldblackcatboo said...

Well...I've sworn off TV for the summer and besides, I didn't have cable... so I'll take your word for it. I'm guessing that it's entertaining to watch but I would probably be a bit annoyed with people complaining about the drama of decorating. I think the real talent is creating something beautiful and unique when you have no cash.
From the photos, the housekeeper looks like she has the most style!
I like surfing through the blogs and online magazines and finding fabulous ideas!
XOXO - Cindi

An Urban Cottage said...

I totally agree with you. I commented on another blog last week that I thought the maid was the only interesting character on the show other than the dog that got a shower. But this week, I fell in love with Kathryn and changed my opinion of Martyn. I hated him last week but that scene at Kathryn's dining room table had me laughing out loud...something that almost never happens.

Cindy said...

I am just enjoying your overview of everyone, you have quite the way of describing people. It almost makes me want to watch it, but not really.
Hugs, Cindy

KM @ This Plate is Full said...

Oh my goodness! Im hooked on this show too.
I have to say my favorite it Martyn!
His voice & the way he speaks just cracks me up!!!
Its so over the top.
Love it!

Etcetorize said...

I don't think this show is on yet in Canada, we usually get things a season or so late. I actually didn't even care if we did get it, until I read your post. You made it sound like a really fun show and brought it to life for me already. Now I'm looking forward to it!

Dawn said...

Nita Darling, what a great critique of the show, I feel like I watched it although I didn't. Funny...I will have to tune in. Hope all is well with you and your pups. Dawn Suitcase Vignettes xo

Judy said...

I wasn't planning on watching the 2nd episode but when I was flipping channels it came on and I decided to give it another chance. I thought it was a little better than the first one, at least I got to know the cast of characters better. I'm so disappointed in Mary McDonald, I've loved her work for years but lately it seems like her stuff doesn't appeal to me...maybe b/c I shop catalogs and such! (LOL)

And the money these folks spend is sinful (as my mother would say) but I have to agree. I can't wrap my mind around someone having that kind of money for decorating.

I guess I'll watch until I get turned off by all the bitchiness (Mary) or some of the other "girls"!.


jamie said...

Oh my gosh you are cracking me up! I wish I had cable... I'll have to look for it online :)

Pattie said...

I watch this too and yes i'm hooked as well, they sure are over the top..


Tammy@Beatrice Banks said...

I was so unimpressed last week that I didn't watch this week. Guess I'll have to tune in next time. I'm very disappointed to hear that about Mary. Didn't pick up on that last week. She is so attractive and I love her work. But pretty is as pretty does. Maybe I'll watch it again but I want to see decorating not drama.

The DIY Show Off said... sounds entertaining in a more interesting way than most reality tv! If only we got that channel! But - I'd love to keep up by reading your recaps! ;) At least I have Design Star to look forward to in a few weeks. A DIY blogger reality show would be fun, wouldn't it? Although...watching drama is fun, I'm not much for "drama" in my own life. Bloggers are too sweet for such 'drama' anyway, right? lol

Etcetorize said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JoAnn S. said...

lol Vita I love your recap you are spot on. I cant stand Mary and my favs are Kathryn and Martyn is second, at least he is down to earth. oh and the clients, typical Hollywood nouveau rich, usually thru divorce lol. Who would let someone like these decorators run their lives. The scene with Mary buying stuff was over the top, good grief.I will watch again tho lol
hugs JoAnn

skooter8 said...

Thank you so much...I was very cranky and having a bad day (attempting to move furniture by myself and redo my son's room). I was laughing through the whole post and am going to take a break and watch this show right now!! Yes, Ross does have lovely hair and I also love chocolate and would be sad if it suddenly tasted like anchovies! I will keep it in moderation so I never have to resort to that. :)

BluBabesCreate said...

That was great! Thanks so much!

Lori @ said...

Great recap! Thanks for the laugh. I am watching and quite entertained by their larger-than-life budgets and egos. Though we are seeing more of their "decorating" now, I wasn't very impressed. I thought the veranda makeover could've been done with a shopping trip to World Market. Ha!

Cozy Little House said...

I've never heard of it. Obviously I don't watch much tv. But your narrative was quite hilarious. I do not, however, want to run my hands through the boy toy's hair. I'll leave that to you!

Erin said...

I COMPLETLEY agree!! Even down to Ross's hair! (He's from South Africa by the way.) I LOVE Martyn's accent. Escpeically when he said "Gastly". :o)

Debra@Common Ground said...

Ha Ha Nita, you're dead on. You said exactly how I feel, just hadn't articulated it yet! ohmygosh, those bras!!! And you're so right, Mary is just mean spirited and so like the evil queen!! Great post!!!
xoxo Debra

Amy @MaisonDecor said...

Well I am going to be doing a post on this show too! I have to say it is my guilty pleasure and I have enjoyed the nonsense since it began. The decorators seem so eccentric and wacky and they are in charge of huge design budgets!! Just so funny to me, watching them shop and being silly and arrogant and stupid and funny and wrong and right and all the things that one can be. I have always loved Mary McDonald's work and thought she was an incredibly shallow designer, not compassionate at ALL to her divorcing client. Cannot stand her personality, but still like her designs. There are things to admire and dislike in all of them. My favorite is Kathyrn except for her calling herself a tragic mother. I hated that. Her kids are running roughshod over her, and she is unable to run a household without the help of her hilarious drunk french housekeeper. I like the guys except the one with the young stud BF (I think he was a former RL Polo model), they are a couple destined for disaster. Bad energy there. Ok, enough of my opinions, its your blog after all!! But I so enjoyed this post. Sorry I just caught it now.

Carla@DesignintheWoods said...

Great recap. I love the show. Nathan Turner is great, I love Martin, and Mary is just how I thought she'd be. Kathryn is my fave, she has a great, lived-in house and kids that are just like mine. I need a maid like hers though!

I'm so glad they all seem to like each other. There's so much drama between clients and designers in this business, we don't need drama between designers.

janetmic said...

I don't want to watch the show because I think your commentary is better than the actual show could possibly be. You made me LOL, more than a few times!!! Although, now I kind of want to see Ross' hair in action!! I love your blog. I just found you recently and I'm so glad I did!

Jenny said...

Oh my gosh you are a crack up!! Love the re-cap and I soooo hope they bring this show to Oz! The french housekeeper looks fabulous!
Thanks for sharing this,
jen xo

Bonnie said...

Your review cracks me up! I love the show and can't wait to see what happens next. Your blog is lovely... I just discovered it via Claudia's post at The Paris Apartment.

24 Corners said...

I'd rather read your recap anyday than watch the show! I tried and just couldn't stomach it. I think I was just to disappointed that it turned out (at least in the beginning) to be yet another dose of 'rubbish' TV. I was really hoping for a good design focused show, so desperately miss that on the telly these days an I'm tired of seeing obnoxiously whiny, arrogant people everywhere one turns. I'll keep checking back with you and see if they and the show grow up a bit.
Whew...there's two cents for ya!
xo J~

Dale J. Mack said...

I watch the show and it is a bit of a train wreck. And why does everyone sound like Mr. and Mrs. Howell? Please! Get rid of the pretentious attitudes. I don't know a soul who calls everyone Daaaling!!

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